The Happenins

Turtle face...chinless wonder.

2009-08-24T11:36:00.000-07:00

There is a weed growing in the garden
it takes up all the space, takes out all the water,
and it dries up all the flowers around it,
it chokes out all the life that lives around it.
And its the only thing that i can see
it's taken anything that I liked about me
and i watch the ground crack, the surface harden
as it kills off all that's good in the garden.

2009-08-16T20:50:00.000-07:00

I haven't posted in awhile. Lots of things have changed. Moved to san marcos, going back to school, found the love of my life. My life is going very well right now. But still, there are always things in life that upset you. But nothing is perfect.

2009-06-23T08:48:00.000-07:00

Reality is shifting in my favor this time :)

miK :)

2009-06-14T22:08:00.000-07:00

Awesome day...fixed the computer..had a wonderful night with friends...bowling, drinks. Met someone I really like. Sickness gone. :)
You get the hell away rain cloud...I see ya comin..and I know your tricks.

Emotionally Amplified

2009-06-07T23:39:00.000-07:00

The love you lost with her skin so fair
Is free with the wind in her butterscotch hair
Her green eyes blew goodbyes
With her head in her hands
and her kiss on the lips of another
Dream Brother, with your tears scattered round the world.

Don't be like the one who made me so old
Don't be like the one who left behind his name
'Cause they're waiting for you like I waited for mine
And nobody ever came...

I feel afraid and I call your name
I love your voice and your dance insane
I hear your words and I know your pain
Your head in your hands and her kiss on the lips of another
Your eyes to the ground
and the world spinning round forever
Asleep in the sand with the ocean washing over...

I feel deep but how can I direct this to my advantage without it backfireing? Suffering is caused by desire...but what if the desire sought after is only an illusion. What if I'm wrong?
Chance, sacrafice....it's worth the risk because I feel it.

2009-06-06T09:21:00.000-07:00

In the deepest ocean
The bottom of the sea
Your eyes
They turn me
Why should I stay here?
Why should I stay?

I'd be crazy not to follow
Follow where you lead
Your eyes
They turn me

Turn me on to phantoms
I follow to the edge of the earth
And fall off
Everybody leaves
If they get the chance
And this is my chance

I get eaten by the worms
Weird fishes
Picked over by the worms
Weird fishes

I'll hit the bottom
Hit the bottom and escape
Escape

I'll hit the bottom
Hit the bottom and escape
Escape

2009-06-05T07:00:00.000-07:00

It could rain for a 1000 days
Or something I don't know
Look to the sun and we're having fun
Besides the river flow
You are doing this and your doing that
Working all the time
Tonite you'll call me on the phone
You've got a worried mind

Up the Devil's Pay

2009-05-20T14:26:00.000-07:00

i'm gonna tend a bad fire until you come around
I'd sing you real live love songs
If i could get the feeling down

I want to make you happy but the devil's out my way
So i'll just pack up everything
Roll it out and up the devil's pay

I want to cause a bad scene but i gotta change my ways
I want to hear your sound again
I want to see you 'round someday

I want to make you happy but the devil's out my way
So i'll just pack up everything
Roll it out and up the devil's pay

And it seems no one can comfort me
To take me from this station where i'm at
'cause the things i love are leaving me
And it's taking every single piece
It's a grade-a mess and it's cutting teeth
It's a big black wind that's blowing back of me

I'm gonna roll up everything into a big red sun
Boil til the room's insane
Wave my rattles on and on

I want to make you happy but the devil's out my way
So i'll just pack up everything
Roll it out and up the devil's pay

And it seems no one can comfort me
To take me from this station where i'm at
'cause the things i love are leaving me
And it's taking every single piece
It's a grade-a mess and it's cutting teeth
It's a big black wind that's blowing back of me

2009-05-14T15:08:00.000-07:00

Reaching out now and I touch your face
Please believe I'm only traveling
Like seeking wonder from a foreign place
It matters not from where I'm coming

And the snow so light is bleeding
We sleep so tight when we're breathing
Calm a little pint of soul - creeping

Calm the light - let me fly - Back to Basom
call is waiting, contemplate a thread already spun
Calm the light - let me fly - Back to Basom
should you carry what you are is cooked until it's done

Left to locate the last trace of waste
I picked it up and it was smiling
Just like the dancer who has lost her leg
She laughs alone but then she's crying

And the snow so light is bleeding
We sleep so tight when we're breathing
Calm a little pint of soul - creeping

Calm the light - let me fly - Back to Basom
call is waiting, contemplate a thread already spun
Calm the light - let me fly - Back to Basom
should you carry what you are is cooked until it's done

2009-05-13T19:43:00.000-07:00

A new breathe I feel the grip releasing.
Scraping my guts off of the ceiling.
I've got that Sunny Bunny feeling.

2009-03-25T09:47:00.000-07:00

Crazy, how it, feels tonight.
Crazy, how you, make it all alright love.
You crush me, with the, things you do,
I do, for you, anything too oh.
Sitting, smoking, feeling high.
And in this, moment, ah, it feels so right.

Lovely lady, I am at your feet, oh, God I want you so badly.
And I wonder this could tomorrow be so wondrous as you there sleeping.

Lets go, drive til, the morning comes.
And watch the, sunrise, and fill our souls up.
Well drink some, wine til, we get drunk, yes...

Its crazy, Im thinking, just knowing that the world is round.
Im here Im dancing on the ground.
Am I right side up or upside down, and is this real, or am I dreaming?

Lovely lady, let me drink you, please, I wont spill a, drop no, I promise you.
Lying under this spell you cast on me.
Each moment the more, i, love, you. crush me, come on. oh, yes.

Its crazy Im thinking, just knowing that the world is round.
Im here Im dancing on the ground.
Am I right side up or upside down?
Is this real, oh lord, or am I dreaming?

Lovely lady, I will treat you sweetly, adore you, I mean, you crush me.
Oh its times like these when my faith I feel.
I know, how, i, love, you. come on, come on, baby.

Its crazy, Im thinking just as long as youre around.
Im here Ill be dancing on the ground.
Am I right side up or upside down?
To each other, well be facing.
My love, my love, well beat back the pain weve found.
You know, I mean to tell you all the things Ive been thinking, deep inside my
Friend.
With each moment the more I love you. crush me, come on, baby.

So much you have, given love, that I would give you back again and again.
Oh, the love, many now hold you but please, please, just let me, always

2009-03-22T21:11:00.000-07:00

This is not about love, cause I am not in love. In fact I can't stop falling out. I miss that stupid ache.

Charmed Life.

2009-03-18T20:00:00.001-07:00

When I hold you in my arms,
And look back on my charmed-
life
My charmed life
I hope, I hope if nothing more
That one day you'll call your-
Life
A charmed life

Well I never really worried that much
About making lots of money and such
And I always seemed to land on my feet.
Though there's been some difficult times
The good times where never far behind
I snatched all of my victories from the jaws of defeat

When I hold you in my arms,
And look back on my charmed-
life
My charmed life
I hope, I hope if nothing more
That one day you'll call your-
Life
A charmed life

Well the course of true love never ran smooth
They broke my heart, and I broke theirs too
And breaking up was so very hard to do
But I knew I'd find the one
And sure enough she came along
And not long after that along came you

Well sometimes this life is like being afloat
On a raging sea in a little row boat
Just trying not to be washed overboard
But if you take your chances and you ride your luck
And you never, never, never, never, never give up
Well those waves will see you safely to a friendly shore

When I hold you in my arms,
I know that this is a charmed-
life
A charmed life

Songs of Love

2009-03-18T19:56:00.001-07:00

Pale, pubescent beasts
Roam through the streets
And coffee-shops
Their prey gather in herds
Of stiff knee-length skirts
And white ankle-socks
But while they search for a mate
My type masturbate
In bedrooms above
Composing their songs of love

Young, uniform minds
In uniform lines
And uniform ties
Run round
With trousers on fire
And signs of desire
They cannot disguise
While I try to find words
As light as the birds
That circle above
To put in my songs of love

Fate doesnt hang on a wrong or right choice
Fortune depends on the tone of your voice
So sing while you have time
Let the sun shine down from above
And fill you with songs of love

Fate doesnt hang on a wrong or right choice
Fortune depends on the tone of your voice
So lets sing while we still can
While the sun hangs high up above
Wonderful songs of love
Beautiful songs of love

2009-03-18T18:51:00.000-07:00

There is a child sleeping near his twin
The pictures go wild in a rush of wind
That dark angel he is shuffling in
Watching over them with his black feather wings unfurled

The love you lost with her skin so fair
Is free with the wind in her butterscotch hair
Her green eyes blew goodbyes
With her head in her hands
and your kiss on the lips of another
Dream Brother, with your tears scattered round the world.

Don't be like the one who made me so old
Don't be like the one who left behind his name
'Cause they're waiting for you like I waited for mine
And nobody ever came...

I feel afraid and I call your name
I love your voice and your dance insane
I hear your words and I know your pain
Your head in your hands and her kiss on the lips of another
Your eyes to the ground
and the world spinning round forever
Asleep in the sand with the ocean washing over...

2009-03-05T18:47:00.000-08:00

I wanted to say what I wanted to say
But you moved away
So here I'll stay
Until maybe one day

2009-01-31T20:30:00.000-08:00

Bop bop.

Care about the moonlight
and holding you tight
and asking my questions.
Everyone loves a situation.

Long walks on the beach.
The press will impeach.
Lately I'm finding
I am the book and you are the binding.

I guess they'll read everything about you.
Though the press might shoot me down I'm still true.
I sell my book for free. That's what you do to me.

Oh, you are my family tree.
Be good to me
Take care of me.

Bop bop.

There's hotels in the sea,
Trash in the sky,
The net-dustry's growing.
Stick to love songs kid, that's all you're knowing.

They push you away
or tie you up.
It don't really matter.
But if your head is up you won't get much sadder.

But who am I to preach a word or two
when I can't even lift my own head without you?
If my mental state kept you from coming around
I hope the world would shoot me down for losing you.
A broken branch I'd be if you weren't grown to me.

Oh, you are my family tree
Be good to me
Be good to me
Be god to me
Take care of me.

Bop bop.

2009-01-25T23:42:00.000-08:00

From the very first time I rest my eyes on you, girl,
My heart says follow trough.
But I know, now, that Im way down on your line,
But the waitin feel is fine:
So dont treat me like a puppet on a string,
cause I know I have to do my thing.
Dont talk to me as if you think Im dumb;
I wanna know when you're gonna come - soon.
I dont wanna wait in vain for your love;

Summer is here,
Im still waiting there;
Winter is here,
And Im still waiting there.
Like I said:
Its been three years since I'm knockin' on your door,
And I still can knock some more:
Ooh girl, ooh girl, is it feasible?
I wanna know now, for I to knock some more.
Ya see, in life I know there's lots of grief,
But your love is my relief:
Tears in my eyes burn - tears in my eyes burn
While Im waiting - while Im waiting for my turn,
See!

It's the latest craze.

2009-01-22T09:33:00.000-08:00

2009-01-06T23:54:00.001-08:00

Half of what I say is meaningless
But I say it just to reach you, Julia

Julia, Julia, oceanchild, calls me
So I sing a song of love, Julia
Julia, seashell eyes, windy smile, calls me
So I sing a song of love, Julia

Her hair of floating sky is shimmering, glimmering
In the sun

Julia, Julia, morning moon, touch me
So I sing a song of love, Julia

When I cannot sing my heart
I can only speak my mind, Julia

Julia, sleeping sand, silent cloud, touch me
So I sing a song of love, Julia
Hum hum hum hum... calls me
So I sing a song of love for Julia, Julia, Julia

2008-12-31T14:14:00.000-08:00

There are things in this life I
would rather not sacrifice.
You girl I cannot live without
and you know there's no doubt that
All I mind's losing you.

I don't mind losing sleep
Pray the lord my soul to keep
I'll get plenty of rest when I am dead
but till then won't you share my bed
cuz all I mind's losing you
All I mind's losing you

And I don't mind losing money
There's nothin this life owes me
I've been given morethan I can receive
But for you there's no receipt
So all I mind's losing you
All I mind's losing you

I don't mind growin o-old
Losing teeth and going bald
Not as handsome as I ever was
But you love me just because
All I mind's losing you
All I mind's losing you

There are things in this life I
would rather not sacrifice.
You girl I cannot live without
and you know there's no doubt that
All I mind's losing you

I can show you better than I can tell you.

2008-12-20T15:25:00.000-08:00

What I feel.

2008-12-17T21:12:00.000-08:00

I'm in and I'm out
Alien, from somewhere else
Don't know what the hell I be on about
From here and there
I belong, nowhere
Seems so many know the name... now
And things don't seem to be the same
But are somehow
Cause all my life I've lived on the... outside
And now I'm in, but in nowhere
Nowhere man
Strangely enough I'm more like a lone tree
I love those forests but alone the dirt suits me
But I love to share
Just like the pollen loves to be free
Flying through the air
Nowhere better suits me
Somewhere down deep inside
Of me
I guess I always wanted to be part of that "we"
And now I found that in my... family
And now I'm happy just to be
Nowhere man

2008-11-10T06:43:00.000-08:00

Don't let me down, don't let me down.
Don't let me down, don't let me down.

Nobody ever loved me like she does,
Ooh she does, yeah she does.
And if somebody ever loved me like she do me,
Ohh she do me, yeah she does.

Don't let me down, don't let me down.
Don't let me down, don't let me down.

I'm in love for the first time.
Don't you know it's gonna last.
It's a love that lasts forever,
It's a love that has no past.

Don't let me down, don't let me down.
Don't let me down, don't let me down.

And from the first time that she really done me,
Ooh she done me, she done me good.
I guess nobody ever really done me,
Ooh she done me, she done me good.

Don't let me down, don't let me down, please.
Don't let me down, don't let me down, please.

Ow! Don't let me down
Don't let me down
(Can you dig it?)
Don't let me down.

Everyday I fall in love again and again.

2008-11-07T01:07:00.000-08:00

Everyday, I look for those like me and there I find them in the back allies.... singing music from their bleeding hearts like wounded solders carrying on just to get the message through. I feel my soul purpose is to bleed on others and make them feel. This world has grown numb. I want breathe life into it again. It seems like it's given me breath and then died on it's own. If I could somehow give that breath back and show it what it's done for me...maybe everyone could see that beauty. Give back 3 fold what has been given to you and you will smile the most genuine smile you've ever given.

The Argus

2008-11-03T22:05:00.001-08:00

Yesterday we lost our lives, tomorrow we were born
Fortune smiled upon us, sacrifice the Argus
All that he might help us see

Magna eyes the track for miles, looking for disease
Puzzled by the mountains - tricked by the sea
and the Argus is practiced compassion
with an eye on you, as one is on me
will the god eye grant his forgiveness
and allow he that's lived, a reason to see

Counting days and building walls, bells ring so's to warn
All the signs that guide us, chosen by the Argus
Tell me has chosen you

Led by form we’ll shed our soul
Trusting like a child
See the dark face that saved us
Drink from his empty eyes

and the Argus is practiced compassion
with an eye on you, as one is on me
will the god eye grant his forgiveness
letting droplets of light erupt from the sea...

Lying in beds of garlic and orchids, he closes an eye, which closes another
and in sleep he dreams, of watching and looking and feather clouds dancing
He curls up his lid and sleeps...

Swirling with visions on man's confusion
All of the work, done just to appease him
The Argus he cries, though love has it's place in the sun
It's only man's fear that carries him on...

Happiness

2008-10-27T22:15:00.000-07:00

"To see a world in a grain of sand
and heaven in a wild flower,
Hold infinity in the palm of your hand
and eternity in an hour."
William Blake

"The most perfect society is that whose purpose
is the universal and supreme happiness."
Gottfried Wilhelm Leibniz

"A string of excited, fugitive, miscellaneous pleasures is not happiness; happiness resides in imaginative reflection and judgment, when the picture of one's life, or of human life, as it truly has been or is, satisfies the will, and is gladly accepted."
George Santayana

"If there is to be any peace it will come through being, not having."
Henry Miller

"Happiness always looks small while you hold it in your hands,
but let it go, and you learn at once how big and precious it is."
Maxim Gorky

"Happiness is like a sunbeam, which the least shadow intercepts."
Chinese proverb

"Drugs bring us to to the gates of paradise, then keep us from entering."
Mason Cooley

"The happiest people seem to be those who have no particular
cause for being happy except that they are so."
William Ralph Inge

"The happy man's without a shirt."
John Heywood

"Men can only be happy when they do not assume that the object of life is happiness."
George Orwell

"The secret of happiness is to face the world is horrible, horrible, horrible."
Bertrand Russell

"Happiness is a mystery, like religion, and should never be rationalized."
Gilbert K. Chesterton

"It is better to be happy for a moment and be burned up with beauty
than to live a long time and be bored all the while."
Don Marquis

"The mind is its own place, and in itself, can make a Heaven of Hell, a Hell of Heaven."
John Milton

"It is not God's will merely that we should be happy, but that we should make ourselves happy"
Immanuel Kant

"He who lives happiest has forgotten most"
Robert Anton Wilson

"The happy think a lifetime short, but to the unhappy one night can be an eternity."
Lucian

"To describe happiness is to diminish it."
Henri B. Stendhal

"Hope is itself a species of happiness, and, perhaps, the chief happiness which this world affords."
Samuel Johnson

"The surest way to happiness is to lose yourself in a cause greater than yourself. "
Unknown

"Remember, happiness doesn't depend upon who you are or what you have, it depends solely upon what you think."
Dale Carnegie

"Happiness is unrepentant pleasure."
Socrates

"Happiness is a very pretty thing to feel,
but very dry to talk about."
Jeremy Bentham

"The essence of philosophy is that a man should so live that his happiness
shall depend as little as possible on external things."
Epictetus

"Pleasure is the only thing to live for. Nothing ages like happiness."
Oscar Wilde

"Most of us believe in trying to make other people happy only if they can be happy in ways which we approve."
Robert S. Lynd

"Happiness in intelligent people is the rarest thing I know."
Ernest Hemingway

"Happiness is the meaning and the purpose of life, the whole aim and end of human existence."
Aristotle

"Happiness is like those palaces in fairy tales whose gates are guarded by dragons: we must fight in order to conquer it."
Alexandre Dumas

"To be happy is not the purpose of our being rather it is to deserve happiness."
Johann G. Fichte

"Act in such a way that you will be worthy of being happy."
Immanuel Kant

"The happier the moment the shorter."
Pliny The Elder

"Happiness is the only good. The time to be happy is now. The place
to be happy is here. The way to be happy is to make others so."
Robert Green Ingersoll

"If you want to understand the meaning of happiness, you must see it as a reward and not as a goal."
Antoine de Saint-Exupéry

"Happiness does not lie in happiness, but in the achievement of it."
Fyodor Dostoevsky

"Happiness is like those palaces in fairy tales whose gates are guarded by dragons: we must fight in order to conquer it."
Alexandre Dumas

"A world full of happiness is not beyond human power to create; the obstacles imposed by inanimate nature are not insuperable. The real obstacles lie in the heart of man, and the cure for these is a firm hope, informed and fortified by thought."
Bertrand Russell

"Happiness depends, as Nature shows, less on exterior things than most suppose."
William Cowper

"Before we set our hearts too much upon anything, let us examine how happy they are, who already possess it."
François Duc de La Rochefoucauld

"Happiness in intelligent people is the rarest thing I know."
Ernest Hemingway

"I am happy and content because I think I am."
Alain-René Lesage

"Happiness, though an indefinite concept, is the goal of all rational beings"
Immanuel Kant

"The greatest happiness of the greatest number is the foundation of morals and legislation."
Jeremy Bentham

"Gaiety - a quality of ordinary men. Genius always presupposes some disorder in the machine."
Denis Diderot

"It appeared to me obvious that the happiness of mankind should be the aim of all action, and I discovered to my surprise that there were those who thought otherwise."
Bertrand Russell

"Let no man be called happy before his death. Till then, he is not happy, only lucky."
Solon

"To be happy is to be able to become aware of oneself without fright"
Walter Benjamin

"Scarcely one person in a thousand is capable of tasting the happiness of others."
Henry Fielding

"I have the happiness of a passing moment, and what more can mortal ask?"
George Gissing

"I have diligently numbered the days of pure and genuine happiness which have fallen to my lot: they amount to fourteen."
Abd-El-Raham

"It is pretty hard to tell what does bring happiness; poverty and wealth have both failed."
Kin Hubbard

"Pleasure is the object, duty and the goal of all rational creatures.”
Voltaire

"There is nothing which has yet been contrived by man, by which so much happiness is produced as by a good tavern or inn."
Samuel Johnson

"Suspicion of happiness is in our blood."
E. V. Lucas

"Happiness consumes itself like a flame. It cannot burn for ever, it must go out, and the presentiment of its end destroys it at its very peak."
J. August Strindberg

"The important question is not, what will yield to man a few scattered pleasures, but what will render his life happy on the whole amount."
Joseph Addison

"Happiness is like manna; it is to be gathered in grains, and enjoyed every day. It will not keep; it cannot be accumulated; nor have we got to go out of ourselves or into remote places to gather it, since it has rained down from a Heaven, at our very door."
Tryon Edwards

"...happiness is the highest good, being a realization and perfect practice of virtue, which some can attain, while others have little or none of it..."
Aristotle

"Happiness serves hardly any other purpose than to make unhappiness possible."
Marcel Proust

"I had rather have a fool make me merry, than experience make me sad."
William Shakespeare

"Point me out the happy man and I will point you out either egotism, selfishness, evil --or else an absolute ignorance."
Graham Greene

"Universal happiness keeps the wheels steadily turning; truth and beauty can't."
Aldous Huxley

"If you observe a really happy man you will find him building a boat, writing a symphony, educating his son, growing double dahlias in his garden, or looking for dinosaur eggs in the Gobi desert. He will not be searching for happiness as if it were a collar button that has rolled under the radiator. He will not be striving for it as a goal in itself. He will have become aware that he is happy in the course of living life twenty-four crowded hours of the day."
W. Beran Wolfe

"Happiness is in the taste, and not in the things."
La Rochefoucauld

"The happiness which we receive from ourselves is greater than that which we obtain from our surroundings. . . . The world in which a person lives shapes itself chiefly by the way in which he or she looks at it."
Arthur Schopenhauer

"Happiness resides not in possessions, and not in gold, happiness dwells in the soul."
Democritus

"If there were in the world today any large number of people who desired their own happiness more than they desired the unhappiness of others, we could have paradise in a few years."
Bertrand Russell

"There is no happiness; there are only moments of happiness."
[anon; Spanish Proverb]

"Happiness is the light on the water. The water is cold and dark and deep."
William Maxwell

"Happiness ain't a thing in itself - it's only a contrast with something that ain't pleasant."
Mark Twain

"The most exciting happiness is the happiness generated by forces beyond your control."
Ogden Nash

"All men seek happiness. This is without exception. Whatever different means they employ, they all tend to this end. The cause of some going to war, and of others avoiding it, is the same desire in both, attended with different views. This is the motive of every action of every man, even of those who hang themselves."
Blaise Pascal

"Life's greatest happiness is to be convinced we are loved."
Victor Hugo

"Do not speak of your happiness to one less fortunate than yourself."
Plutarch

"When a man has lost all happiness, he's not alive. Call him a breathing corpse."
Sophocles

"Indeed, man wishes to be happy even when he so lives as to make happiness impossible."
St Augustine

"The two enemies of human happiness are pain and boredom."
Arthur Schopenhauer

"Let us be grateful to people who make us happy;
they are the charming gardeners who make our souls blossom."
Marcel Proust

"Tranquil pleasure constitutes human beings' supreme good"
Epicurus

"What is the worth of anything,
But for the happiness 'twill bring?"
Richard Owen Cambridge

"Really high-minded people are indifferent to happiness, especially other people's"
Bertrand Russell

"By heaven we understand a state of happiness infinite in degree, and endless in duration."
Benjamin Franklin

"The great end of all human industry is the attainment of happiness. For this were arts invented, sciences cultivated, laws ordained, and societies modeled, by the most profound wisdom of patriots and legislators. Even the lonely savage, who lies exposed to the inclemency of the elements and the fury of wild beasts, forgets not, for a moment, this grand object of his being."
David Hume

"The thirst after happiness is never extinguished in the heart of man."
Jean Jacques Rousseau

"Present joys are more to flesh and blood
Than a dull prospect of a distant good."
John Dryden

"To be happy in this world, especially when youth is past, it is necessary to feel oneself not merely an isolated individual whose day will soon be over, but part of the stream of life slowing on from the first germ to the remote and unknown future."
Bertrand Russell

"Happiness is an imaginary condition, formerly often attributed by the living to the dead, now usually attributed by adults to children, and by children to adults."
Thomas Szasz

"Happiness is not a brilliant climax to years of grim struggle and anxiety. It is a long succession of little decisions simply to be happy in the moment."
J. Donald Walters

"He is happy that knoweth not himself to be otherwise."
Thomas Fuller

"He who binds to himself a joy
Does the winged life destroy;
But he who kisses the joy as it flies
Lives in eternity's sun rise."
William Blake

"I have learned to seek my happiness by limiting my desires, rather than in attempting to satisfy them."
John Stuart Mill

"Be happy. It's one way of being wise."
Colette

"Those who seek happiness miss it, and those who discuss it, lack it."
Holbrook Jackson

"It is not God's will merely that we should be happy, but that we should make ourselves happy"
Immanuel Kant

"The highest happiness of man ... is to have probed what is knowable and quietly to revere what is unknowable."
Goethe

"Pleasure is very seldom found where it is sought. Our brightest blazes are commonly kindled by unexpected sparks."
Samuel Johnson

"Happiness is the only sanction of life; where happiness fails, existence becomes a mad lamentable experiment."
George Santayana

"The more refined one is, the more unhappy."
Anton Chekhov

"No pleasure is evil in itself; but the means by which certain pleasures
are gained bring pains many times greater than the pleasures."
Epicurus

"How to gain, how to keep, and how to recover happiness is in fact for
most men at all times the secret motive for all they do."
William James

"Tranquil pleasures last the longest; we are not fitted to bear the burden of great joys."
Christian Nestell Bovee

"How you feel right now is about equally genetic and circumstantial, but how you will feel on average over the next ten years is fully 80 percent because of your genes."
Dean Hamer

What a honey.

2008-10-20T15:36:00.000-07:00

Strawberry fields forever.

2008-10-19T21:00:00.000-07:00

Let me take you down,
‘Cos I’m going to Strawberry Fields.
Nothing is real
And nothing to get hungabout.
Strawberry Fields forever.
Living is easy with eyes closed
Misunderstanding all you see.
It’s getting hard to be someone.
But it all works out,
It doesn’t matter much to me.

2008-10-18T17:40:00.000-07:00

There's no easy answer
None to blame or forgive
Two cripples dancing
To the end we live
I'm not with but of you
Not with you, but of you
You are soft and young to me
I am the ghost who comes and goes
And I hope I'll catch you
In the throws of one last look at the wonder
One last look at the wonder
O, God, I love you
And all the past we once knew
Some other love becomes you
Whatever else we come to
I know we could be so happy, baby
If we wanted to be
You are soft and young to me
I am the ghost who comes and goes

How we spend our days casting love aside.

2008-10-07T01:48:00.000-07:00

I decided to take a walk at 4am and compose some of the thoughts that were floating around in my head...about half way around the block rain started to pour down on me as lightning crashed in the distance. My first thoughts were "Shit, I'm going to get soaked" but then I opened my eyes and realized the beauty of this little storm blowing in. The loud tapping of the raindrops on the rooftops with the flickering of the lightning. The rain had a calming effect on my body and the sounds cleared my head as soon as I let go.
I had the wrong idea at first. For a moment, I forgot to embrace this beauty. I could have ran home in desparate attempt to stay dry.
How often do we run home when it starts to storm? Why run when you can become a part of this natural nourishment? We forget to see the beauty in things because when bad things happen we have a tendency to shut out everything else around us and miss out on what's really happening. I sense another change, a good one. Tomorrow is a new day. And in the morning, everything will be washed away and nurtured.

Jenny Wren

2008-10-07T01:30:00.000-07:00

Like so many girls, Jenny Wren could sing
But a broken heart, took her song away
Like the other girls, Jenny Wren took wing
She could see the world, and its foolish ways
How, we, spend our days, casting, love aside
Losing, sight of life, day, by, day
She saw poverty, breaking up her home
Wounded warriors, took her song away
But the day will come, Jenny Wren will sing
When this broken world, mends its foolish ways
Then we, spend our days, catching up on life
All be-cause of you, Jenny Wren
You saw who we are, Jenny Wren

Sleepless nights.

2008-10-07T01:02:00.000-07:00

Some nights...everyone you know is asleep. And that's no kind of night at all. What will I do until I tire... or until someone I know wakes up? The answer is simple. Music, wine, internet. Watch out paradise, I'm diving in.

Kinder

2008-10-04T15:06:00.000-07:00

Ooh I got the oceans here in a little bag
It's in my back pocket, just look for yourself
Yeah, and I got the forests tied up in a little pouch
It's all around my neck, just hanging right here
Ooh I'd like to tell you what I think about you baby but I can't say it
Cause I'm a nice guy
Step inside of my new, kinder love
Me and your heart, we're one and the same
Ooh I got the heavens wrapped up, they're all mine
I lay with the angels and I sleep with the saints
Yeah, and I got the sun wrapped up in a little stash
It's in my top drawer, yeah it's just sitting right there
Ooh I'd like to tell you what I think about you baby but I can't say it
Oh, I'd like to look at you in the eye mother but I can't say it
Cause I'm a nice guy
Step inside of my new, kinder love
Me and your heart, we're one and the same

Beatles - I still love her

2008-10-01T11:13:00.000-07:00

I don't want to spoil the party so I'll go,
I would hate my disappointment to show,
There's nothing for me here so I will disappear,
If she turns up while I'm gone please let me know.
I've had a drink or two and I don't care,
There's no fun in what I do if she's not there,
I wonder what went wrong
I've played far too long,
I think I'll take a walk and look for her.
Though tonight she's made me sad,
I still love her,
If I find her I'll be glad,
I still love her.
I don't want to spoil the party so I'll go,
I would hate my disappointment to show,
There's nothing for me here so I will disappear,
If she turns up while I'm gone please let me know.
Though tonight she's made me sad,
I still love her,
If I find her I'll be glad,
I still love her.
I've had a drink or two and I don't care,
There's no fun in what I do if she's not there,
I wonder what went wrong
I've played far too long,
I think I'll take a walk and look for her

Free Falling

2008-09-28T16:31:00.000-07:00

Shes a good girl,
loves her mama
Loves jesus
and america too
Shes a good girl, crazy bout elvis
Loves horses and her boyfriend too
Its a long day living in reseda
Theres a freeway runnin through the yard
And Im a bad boy cause I dont even miss her
Im a bad boy for breakin her heart
All the vampires walkin through the valley
Move west down ventura boulevard
And all the bad boys are standing in the shadows
All the good girls are home with broken hearts
I wanna glide down over mulholland
I wanna write her name in the sky
Gonna free fall out into nothin
Gonna leave this world for a while

Ego tripping at the gates of hell.

2008-09-27T16:03:00.000-07:00

I was waiting on a moment
But the moment never came
All the billion other moments
Were just slipping all away
I must have been tripping
Were just slipping all away
Just ego tripping

I was wanting you to love me
But your love it never came
All the other love around me
Was just wasting all away
I must have been tripping
Was just wasting all away
Just ego tripping

I was waiting on a moment
But the moment never came
-But the moment never came -

That's it.

2008-09-26T20:38:00.000-07:00

It's always important to remember to keep a sense of adventure in your heart.
Without it, you will age inturnally. Have fun and be happy.

Filtering.

2008-09-10T16:41:00.000-07:00

It's really easy to lose sight of the path of love. It's very easy to become frustrated and hate. But always remember that love is within all things..every situation, death, loss, agony. Find it within those things and hold onto it until everything else is filtered out. Be happy, and spread the love..it will save you and others from everything.

When bringing the funk.....

2008-09-02T12:31:00.000-07:00

Yes......I was rocking that hard.

It's amazing how your guitar playing skills evolve with you.
I've always been interested in octives...I love the way they sound. How they complement the root note. I would always be aware of what octive is where when playing. Just now I have discovered a couple of new slap techniques that use those beautiful octives. I don't know why I was never aware of THE FUNK and the use of octives. It's opend up a new world for me. Not to mention that my girlfriend Casey bought me a new guitar for my birthday. That is by far the coolest thing anyone has ever done for me. She's great. That was a definate influence of the discoverence of THE FUNK. I highly reccomend this bass... http://www.ibanez.com/BASS/guitar.aspx?m=BTB200 I forgot how much I love the feel of Ibanez basses. Fender is so stiff...you can't make it slinky like you can with an Ibanez and you certainly can't bring THE FUNK with it. Fender is great for picking jazz though. I feel like I've found my little niche in the bass playing universe ...I feel like this is the style I was meant to play because of my early obession with octives....it all makes so much sense now and I can truely express myself through THE FUNK. I always felt a missing link between playing and expression. I thought to myself...well, maybe if I learn the acoustic guitar instead...or, maybe I should work on my singing...maybe then I could express myself to a satisfying level. Now that's not a problem...It feels great to fall into that grove...I lose myself completely, It's the most incredible feeling, I feel like I'm complete. Now for your enjoyment here are some bass quotes that are.....enjoying.

Paul McCartney
"Voices should be first, guitars and drums should be second, and then you should kind of get a feel of the bass."
"The fat boy in the back was the bass player, and who wanted to be him? We all wanted to be guitar players."

Jaco Pastorius
"I know all about these basses of mine, every bit of chicken grease and every drop of sweat that's ever been on them."

"Work towards developing a telepathic relationship with everyone in your band, especially the drummer."

Flea
"It's the same band that we had before with John, but obviously we've grown as people and musicians, and especially when we write music the way we do, which is an unstructured thing that relies on emotion and intuition and spirit.....With John, that's what we're doing, is trying to channel the energy that's all around us. The energy that's around us now is different from the energy that was around us seven years ago."

"There are more interesting things happening musically outside of rock. When I listen to rock bands, I think most of them suck."

"The majority of young men I know are led around by their penises. I was."

Troy's coming up today for my birthday. Which means we're going to do alot of jamming. I'm happy as a clown.

Truth.

2008-07-08T19:40:00.000-07:00

An insincere and evil friend is more to be feared than a wild beast; a wild beast may wound your body, but an evil friend will wound your mind.

I want you so bad, i think you ought to know that I intend to hold you for the longest time.

2008-06-03T01:34:00.000-07:00

Life is great. Really.

Running after you. I don't know where you are, and I can't seem to catch you. I want you to know me.

2008-05-17T21:40:00.000-07:00

Life is too short for darkness.
Learn to let it go.
A single flame can light 1000 candles.
I'm not cold, I'm not broken.
I do not yearn for your downward pull.
I hear you, i feel you.
But i will not go.
I am here.
You are there.
Who is smiling?

Take off your masks and take the moon, for it's been there all along.

2008-04-17T14:21:00.000-07:00

Life is full of lessons. There are some very ugly/deeply disturbed people out there. I feel sorry for these people. They'll never find happiness because they look in the wrong places. Deep down they don't want to find happiness...they want to find pleasure. The differance between pleasure and happiness is that pleasure only lasts for a short while...while happiness can last a lifetime. The Dali Lama says that "The meaning of life is to seek happiness." People get happiness confused with alot of other differant things...mostly pleasure.
I met someone pretty amazing a couple of days ago...and it made me realize that true happiness is all that really matters, and no matter how many stupid mistakes you make, it is still always within your reach. You have to be careful not to let chances pass you by or you will start to stay still and sooner or later you will become rooted into the ground. Keep moving and growing. Takamatsu Sensei once said "Keep moving, to stand still is to die." It's a great quote from a martial art point of view and from life's point of view as well.
The move to the new duplex is pretty cool. You really don't realize how important your own space is until it's taken away from you. I feel really good lately...like a great change is coming...good things are ahead and I am on track and happy.

Get to the point.

2008-04-08T21:48:00.000-07:00

Let me run with you tonight and i'll take you on a moonlight ride
There's someone i used to see but she don't give a damn for me
But let me get to the point Let's roll another joint
And turn the radio loud I'm too alone to be proud
You don't know how it feels You don't know how it feels
to be me...

Fading out.

2008-04-06T20:55:00.001-07:00

Where is the love? No, no, no, love...real love. Where is the innocence? The truth? What has become of mother earth? Stop this game that they have taught everyone to play. Become yourself and leave behind the rest. We are dying, all of us.

No suprises

2008-04-06T20:49:00.000-07:00

A heart that's full up like a landfill, a job that slowly kills you, bruises that won't heal. You look so tired-unhappy, bring down the government, they don't, they don't speak for us. I'll take a quiet life, a handshake of carbon monoxide, with no alarms and no surprises, silent silent. This is my final fit, my final bellyache, with no alarms and no surprises please. Such a pretty house and such a pretty garden. No alarms and no surprises (get me outta here), no alarms and no surprises (get me outta here), no alarms and no surprises, please.

I'm trippin...Writhin and sqealin...pukin' looking for someone like you.

2008-03-27T13:01:00.001-07:00

Got a new job...one I really like. And they'll be sending me to school and paying for everything if I measure up. They said I've been doing really well and I passed all of my tests 100% baby. I really hope this works out. Petsmart hired me on for training as a dog groomer. That's pretty flippin sweet...I always wanted to learn how. Anyway if this works out...I'll have a career that I'm really happy in. I love the shit
out of the job already...I get to handle tons of dogs everyday, big, small, nice, and mean. It's a little slice of heaven. All the ladies in the back seem to like me well too. I'm the only bloke there...which is cool. I'd rather work with ladies over dudes anyday. Met a cool girl up here as well...things seem to be going well...SEEM. You can never tell these things. Anyway...that's it.

-Beast

Sunday

2008-03-27T12:49:00.000-07:00

Everyday is like Sunday, how I dearly wish I was not here.
Everyday is silent and gray.

I poured my heart out...it evaporated. See?

2008-02-17T02:53:00.000-08:00

Well, it's certainly been awhile. I've been trying to get out of this town for sometime now and it's about to happen. Things in my life are changing...and I am changing incredibly. I can feel the page turning and a great refreshing feeling of a new blank page. I don't know what will happen to me in the future...but I have a feeling that better things are coming very soon. I have a more stable way of thinking and not so flip flop.
Shiner.....geeze where do I start? The constant stink eye from the locals. The narrow minded talk and racisim. The constant talk to football and hunting. And beer is the town's only salvation...not Jesus....beer. They can all deny it all they want...but who do they turn to when things go wrong here 98% of the time? Everyone goes to church here because it "cleanses them"...and they do it because it's what THEIR parents did. It's nothing but a mindless ritual....an excuse to dress up nice and feel good about yourself despite the bad things you've done....it's good for alot of people....a whole lot of sheep.
I really can't put my total trust in someone who isn't "allowed" to have sex or act like a normal human.... BUT IS allowed to tell people how to live. What a load of shit...I'm sorry. It's a brilliant scam if you ask me. I think that a REAL spiritual leader would be one that's well educated and versed in the modern workings of todays society. Not someone who stuffs a large amount of fantasy and not enough reality into their own towns peoples skulls....instilling fear in everyone. Fear is by far...the easiest way to control someone. Hell is man made. When it all comes down to it...nobody knows what happens...nobody knows what made us. We know nothing...I wish everyone would stop acting like they know. It would stop alot of conflict if it was made apperant that it's all a matter of personal opinion. If freedom of personal opinon was totally accepted, everyone could relax and discover their true selves. It's sad that people have surrendered their minds to such nonsense.
Damn....went on a rant there. 5:30am...I'm not going to sleep tonight. Well, I guess I'll have to give it a try. Goodnight.

-Casey

Life.

2008-01-25T09:47:00.000-08:00

The more you learn and know, the more you will hear this answer..... No matter what path of enlightment you seek, or questions you ask. You will find that the end answer is almost always "It doesn't matter."

I wanna, dream lover..so I don't have to dream alone.

2007-12-30T00:04:00.001-08:00

It's been awhile everyone who still reads this. I've spent alot of time alone in order to sort a lot of things out that have been swimming around in the old noodle. I've come to many conclusions...let's see if I can remember them now.
My life is best explained by a childrens toy....you know that toy with the differant block shapes that you have to fit into the proper hole? Yes, well...I'm a square piece that is constantly trying to be forced into the circle hole. The stress of it...geeze. I know what hole I'm supposed to go in, but this world tells me otherwise. Make sense? Hmm.
It takes me a long time to become comfortable with people. I am very good at playing the role of the chameleon. It's my survival tool. I have a very hard time relating with everything and it breaks me up. I wish everyone could see through all of the bullshit (this "bullshit" probably isn't "bullshit" at all to the people who participate in it) and just relax and be themselves (but perhaps everyone IS being theirself. And could it be that my mindset, in this state of time...is a disfuction?).
I am not happy unless everyone around me is.
I love to make people laugh...it is my salvation. At that very moment when I make someone laugh...I have made a connection, a very important one. It's something that makes me feel human and gives me a sense of belonging.
Music will always be my savior. Music is in my blood and has been in my family for generations...there is no doubt in my mind that this tool alone can help me through the toughest of times.
I've been a bit selfish lately...keeping to myself alot and thinking. Dogging out friends just because I want to stay at home and think. Don't take it personally if I have done this to any of you.
I desperately need to banish those in my life who hinder my emtional state of being/inner drive to move forward.
The modern courting rituals of this time is disturbing to me and makes me quite nervous.
Life is like a river...what is here today will be gone tomorrow. I must learn to change with what the river washes away today and brings for tomorrow. There is no stopping of the natural flow.
No matter how strong you are and what kind of head you have on your shoulders, where you reside and who your friends are will transform you to who you are. (P.S. Don't move to a flock of sheep if you know you're a wolf...people will start to notice.)
I have given up on THE SEARCH. I've read that that is what one must do when in search for something. Relax, enjoy the scenery...keeps smiling and project your inner light into everything and the great circle of life will come back around and treat you the same.
Being alone is very important. There are times in life to where you have to completely pull yourself out of whatever loop your in...sit back and look at it and ask "Is this what I'm all about? Is this what really makes me happy?" And if the answer is no...study it some more and ask again....and THEN decide. Do I need to change everything completly? What do i need to do in order to make sense of everything and feel content?
I am in a point of my life to where I feel like I will never get out of this fucking rut. But I know that I will. I must. I have to get out of here and back to my friends. I have to get back out there...make people laugh, make music, make love...create a euphoric aura that spreads far beyond myself and intoxicate everyone that touches it. I believe that that is all I have to say right now.

Hey babe, take a walk on the wild side.

2007-03-11T18:42:00.000-07:00

Well, this week has been nothing really special. But don't worry kids...I do have something to talk about....I think.

Truth. I cannot see why so many people have a problem with it. I cannot stand compulsive liars. Why do people do it? I suppose there are various reasons. To seem "cooler" than they actually are...To hide yourself because of fears of not being liked. What a shame. It's funny even though, you can catch people in lies and say "Hey, no big deal, really it's ok....you can tell the truth now" They come up with even a bigger one. It gets quite annoying and I try to avoid these people as much as possible. It's really sad when you just know you can't believe a word a person says.
But, alot of people also have a hard time hearing the truth. They would like hear it sugar coated and modeled after what they want. This is no good. When you constantly hear this sugar coated bullshit you won't be able to learn from your mistakes. Just recently here, someone threw the asshole card at me. How can one be an asshole if he's only speaking the truth and trying to help? I wasn't exploiting or embarrassing anyone. This was a one on one conversation and I thought that this person needed to hear the truth about a couple of things. What's funny is...people usually already know the truth but they just can't stand to hear someone else. They tuck it all away in the back of their minds and then when it starts eating away at them, they find someone to talk to and expect them to feed them sugar coated bullshit to make them feel better about themselves. There is nothing wrong with that...but in my opinion I would much rather hear the cold hard truth and fix the problem right away rather than having someone convince me that "everything is ok." It really does avoid a whole lot of drama and games. I think that's all I really have to say right now.

So in conclusion, those of you who do read this and are one of these "compulsive liar types" (you all know who you are...and if you have to try to convince yourself that your not...then you are), please stop because it's really fucking annoying.

-Beast

*AKA* Asshole

Old blood united under the moon.

2007-02-21T19:13:00.000-08:00

I went to Howards on Monday waiting to meet a friend that I haven't seen in like 5 years. A good ol' chap. I was pretty anxious. I was waiting alone...nobody special was there...just the usual people and a bunch of kids. I haven't felt this in a long time. Waiting...anxious...kind of excited..contantly looking at the time. Anyway, my good buddy Alfred finally shows up and right off the bat starts making me laugh. I love that. I alomost forgot what it's like to really laugh and not fake it. He made the joke right off the bat about when he walked through the door and first saw me "What if I just walked through the door and said "Heeey...." and just started vomiting..."sorry man, I gotta go.""
We had a good night. We had a couple of beers and went to the park and had a couple of smokes together and bullshitted just like old times. It was a gas. Still haven't met his wife, Lizeth though (who is expecting). We're supposed to hang out again Friday. I haven't had a good old hang out with him in a while....it's well over-due. We used to hang out and just talk, and bullshit...made some fantasticly funny videos along the way. We'd never go to bed before sunrise...because that was against the rules. Possibly do it again this weekend? Maybe...and maybe the pope's nipples are pierced. You gotta watch out for that Ratsinger...he's a wild one.

-Beast

If a pyro-maniac goes to hell...would he really be in his own type of heaven?

2007-02-17T23:07:00.000-08:00

*sigh* Life...once again. This is it, I'm living it. It's great, but I'd really like to share every moment I have with someone. What am I getting at? Nothing really...it's just desire.

Well, on Valentines day my great uncle died and my family was in a depressed mood. Uncle Gus. He was a great guy. I remember him since I was little, he was always the same. Full of light, funny, happy, just a great guy. He showed me how to wiggle my ears when I was just a pup. Anyway, I give a shout out to Uncle Gus tonight (take a drink)....wherever you may be, I just wanted to say that anywhere you went, you made people happy, because you yourself were a truely happy person. Which in mind...is the best you can do in life...If you're happy, and you make others around you happy. You win. You are a master at life.
Anyhow, on V-Day, I went out to Antiques Art and Beer...my dad was playing out there with a handful of mixed musicans. I had the most wonderful time. They sang alot of blues, Perfect. I drank about 17 beers and hit a state of euphoria that I haven't had in a long time. I couldn't stop smiling...even though I was alone and about 10 years younger than the youngest person there. What is it about music that makes your heart sway to "the right beat"?
Today, (saturday) the family cooked a nice meal of steak, scallops, and good ol' beans. I took a long nap and recoverd completely from my lack of sleep...I rose at about 6pm and went over to Howards for a beer. My good buddy Alfred was to come to town from Mexico with his expecting wife and I was a bit excited to see him again. I called his dad and he said that he was crashed out and would probably not wake until tomorrow. Bummer. So I just sat there by myself and drank about 3 beers when Miss Laura Gloor happend to walk in and asked if I wanted to go to a party with them. "Sure." So I was off. It was a good party, wine tasting, tons of FOOD, and good people (except for one). Laura showed me how to play Jin Rummy (sp?) . We played for a long time with her good friend Keven (not a black guy nor mexican...but a Flip...haha, a joke we had). I drank a few beers not even buzzed but then this guy.......started causing a scene and threating people. Long story short...some guy got mad at him and pushed him down...the guy head butted Kevin (for being black..hahaha) and everyone had to leave because they had to call the cops to get him to leave. What a shame. I was having a great time too...so here I am 1:30 am and I have nothing to do. Life here is stunted I believe. Depends totally on your nature though.
I've been trying to quit smoking....god, it's so hard. I was doing very good until after the whole break up thing. Now, I'm really hooked again. (they say a smoker is always a smoker when the chips are down-Sin City) Fuck it's a nasty habbit. It's truely one of the hardest mental battles I've had to deal with. Why do you want it? You know it's bad. Well, I've done some thought on this. Smoking is a social habbit for the most part. I don't think I'd smoke at all if weren't for social situations. For instance.
IT IS PERFECTLY ACCEPTABLE IN A SOCIAL SITUATION TO DROP EVERYTHING AND "GO OUT AND HAVE A SMOKE"
That's one thing I like about smoking. If you're with a crowd and the room or people start to get to you...... You can take a smoke break and it is fully acceptable. It gives you a good 5-10 minutes to center yourself, think, and ground yourself to get ready for round two of the social situation. I think that you'd have a hard time doing this if you didn't smoke. Here's an example.

Here's the vibe setting *crowd chattering..socially akward feelings...some asshole you can't stand*

( Instead of "hey man I'm going to outside and have smoke" "ok cool, I'll see you in a bit")
Without smoking it would be like...

"Well hey man I'm going to go outside for a bit."
"Why?"
"I just need some air"
"What's wrong is so and so pissing you off?"
"No I just want to get away for awhile"
"Well, do you want to leave?"
"No, I just want to go outside"
"Oooook, whatever"
And that would leave you looking like an akward weirdo.

I've thought about adopting some other excuse to get away, but they won't work.

"Well hey I'm going to go outside and drink my beer."
"Outside? Why?"
"Because you play with youself in bed at night."

It's much more easier to say "I'm going to go smoke". Nobody asks questions and everything is ok. I've boiled it all down and I've come to realize that for the most part I use it as an escape goat.

Sometimes in the morning I freak myself out with my MORNING MADNESS. When I wake up for work (about 5:30am) I find myself saying things to myself in a state of delierium and I honestly don't know where they come from. Maybe I'm still sleeping and dreaming and it just comes out...but it's odd. My buddy Nathan does the same thing. When I had an apartment with him it was a gas waking up and exchanging phrases....this seems extreamly crazy from other people who hear this...but it's just odd.
The other day I woke up and found myself saying "Dig up the shovel, use a spoon"
I've woke up saying several phrases such as "birds in the bush...got the bees" or "Snide Jones says so...believing is better" ....."get 'em hissin, makes 'em fast" Crazyness...no sense at all. Then I get in the shower and catch myself talking and I'm like "what the fuck?" And I wonder if anyone else in the house has heard me chanting my morning madness.

Anyhow, I that that's all I've got for now. Thailand is coming up fast and I'm about to cream jeans just thinking about it.

Peace the fuck out,
-Beast

And then you feel something down by you feet...

2007-02-13T20:53:00.000-08:00

It's me, it's Casey, I'm suckin' on your toes!

Top Ten Sexiest Women According To Beast.

2007-02-12T19:56:00.000-08:00

This is by far the lamest post I've ever posted...but I think it'd be appropriate enough for Valentines Day.
#10 Bangles Chick

Walk like an egyption? She made me walk like a caveman when I was a kid (from the raging hard on of coarse). A beautiful woman, and great stage presence.

#9 Winona Ryder

She looks kind of buff in this picture and weird....but I really loved the way she looked when she played Mina from the movie Bram Stokers Dracula (My all time favorate movie). She has a soft face dark eyes and hair and a somewhat frail looking jaw line. Sexy as hell right?

#8 Liz Hurley

Mizz Liz. I've always had a thing for her. She seems classy, smart and has a great pair of lips...eyes as well.

#7 Jewel

Jewel, what can I say about this one. Her "Pieces of you" album is a masterpiece. She's got a jacked up grill ...but in a good way. It adds character and makes her more real and not like the other air-brushed type stars. You know she got money to fix that grill...but she's cool with it...I admire that.

#6 Zooey Deschanel

I fell in love with this one from "Hitch Hikers Guide...." She seemed real with soft blue eyes and nice pale skin. She's one of those women that I think would look great even in the morning after shooting tequilla all night

#5 Kate Beckinsale

Guess I'm a sucker for vampire movies but in Underworld 2 she was absoulutely gorgeous. Pale skin, dark hair, bright eyes, and a tight body. Like....I mean, If you took a bite out of her butt it would probably make the same sound as biting into an apple (sssssscrunch!)

#4 Fiona Apple

My dear Fiona, even though she dates a scorcerer (David Blane)...she's just...awesome. Her music is art at it's finest. She has the look of a jaguar. One that shows beauty but at the same time says.... I just might tear your throat out and hang you in a tree for snacking.

#3 Tia Carrera

Played a part in Waynes World. "Ooooh dream weaver, I believe you can get me through the niiihight" Beautiful face and a nice asian body. I'm a sucka for asians. Man, Thailand is going to be a gas.

#2 Lucy Liu

Lucy, just look at her...good god. I don't think I could even speak to this one. I was several feet away from her at one time when I was in Europe and Chalie's Angles were coming to theaters. I wish I could have form tackled her and proclaimed my love to her...yeah, she would have understood then.

#1 Zhang Ziyi

Ok my number one girl here. What is it about her? I really don't know. But I am at a loss for words when I see her. Black eyes and hair...nice complection. Great set of lips and a look of innocence about her. Short, thin, beautiful face and a slieght sence of mystery about her. They don't come any better than this in my book. I don't think that I could even function in her presence. She's the kind of woman that would drive a man like me to do impossible crazy acts of love for her. Damn you with your control over me. Will you marry me Zhang Ziyi?

Just wanted to add.

2007-02-10T14:15:00.000-08:00

Yeah, by the way...I was reading through some of my posts and wanted to clear this up. I don't think all women are dumb...Just about 80% of the ones around here. There lots of dumb men too...most likely, more than women. Anyway, I didn't want to cause any drama and get my head bit off or come off as a total asshole.

Pull a rabbit out of a .....ummm...middle of a road?

2007-02-10T00:25:00.000-08:00

So tonight was fun. Nothing particularly exciting happend. But me and Mr. RB hung out....there is nothing to do in this cursed town but go to Kloesols. We drove there and had one beer and came back. That place is depressing. BUT...Mr. RB was with me. I will take good conversation over petty games and drama any day. Which is exactly why I had a good time. Good relationships (may they be friends or girlfriends)are all based on good communication. I love talking. Talking about everything...finding out differant perspectives and learning. It's the only way you can learn...through communication. I often get this line from my women..."you ask too many questions." Well that's because I want to know...it's as simple as that. I need someone who loves to learn about one another and other things and has fun doing it. That's the best part....it isn't about sex or lovey dovey (although those are good too) it's about having fun discovering one another. If you can meet someone and right off the bat say "eh, I read that one already." Take my advice, cast it aside and try something new. I do not have many friends...but the ones I have have infinate wisdom that I can constantly learn from. That's what keeps it going...stimulation of the mind. So me and RB talked alot about alot of things. When we went to Kloesols, and the enviornment was bad (as always)...wasn't stimulating at all...so we left. I love that.

So when it was all over, I was driving home and happen to accidently hit a jack rabbit on the way. "Aw fuck." So I backed up to check and see if I killed it. I found it in the ditch with his head up staring into my headlights. I got out of my car and walked up to him. He tried to scramble away but I have broken his hips and he couldn't move anything but his front paws. What a shame. What was I to do? I popped my truck and screwed together my 3 foot heavy metal rod thing. I walked up to the rabbit...told him I was sorry and whacked him one good time behind the neck. It was instantly dead...no twitching or anything. I picked him up, and put him in the back of my car. If there's one thing my dad ever tought me it's...."Don't kill it unless you plan to eat it." So I took the rabbit home, skinned it out and put it in the freezer. Perhaps tomorrow, the family will have a nice suprise of eating some fresh rabbit. Redneck? Sure. Call it what you will...but it's not a wasted kill. And it is the way I was raised. Such a beautiful animal. It's always more beautiful when it's wild.

Don't you agree? But still...what a shame.

Sometimes I look at people and wonder their fate. Some, you can look at and easily tell. This is also a shame. I just wanted to say that.

Thailand is coming up fast. But sadly...my money is dropping on account of my car. Flat tires, insurance, monthly payment. I really need to get rid of it soon if I plan on making the trip by May...which is my goal.

We saw a bar fight tonight...pretty funny in my eyes. THINGS TO DO IN THIS TOWN: Drink, Screw, Fight, Gossip, Work, and Hunt. Sad but true. Lack of stimulation brings lack of mind. Which is why the library in Shiner is only open 2 or 3 days a week. The closest decent bookstore is in Victoria...and there is a Waldens in the mall (the main nerve), and a Hastings. I enjoy going to hastings and seeing what types of books they have and also watching the people in the differant sections and drawing conclusions about them. The most interesting people and most intelligent I found are the ones that check out many books of many subjects...but have no social life....you can tell by their seclusive instinct when nearing them and usually on how they dress. How else can they in this place? Another way I've observed this is waiting in line and seeing people like this and their bad social skills toward the cashier. Not neccisaily bad....but, they're not "normal." For instance saying off the wall things to the cashier like "what do you think the universe is really like?" Which in my book...is very good. I think people are degrating too much to "trends." Everyone's asking themselves "what's cool?" When they should be asking "What do I think is cool?" When you ask yourself instead of everyone else, I think you live a much more fruitful life.

Lately I've been spending much of my time alone. It's great. Trips by myself to a movie...just a drive with good music....A walk will my lovely pit bull (don't let the breed fool you, he's a gentile giant) Noobus. I love to go to social places by myself and watch my surroundings...all the happenings...the interesting and not so interesting conversations...drama of couples...a parent yelling at his kids...women contemplating a buy on a vanity item...the salesmen's blank greetings (they say "hello, is is there anything I can help you with?" But you can tell by the light in their eyes that they are working off of a trained robotic phrase...the wheel is turning, but he hampster is dead)...young high school kids trying to be goth...young high school girls wearing "in style" furry boots and showing them off...high school kids just trying to be differant just to scream out "Pay attention to me dammit!" ..etc. Life. It's great. No matter how vain...how utterly pathetic. People try to hard to try to get attention...all trials done by the physical. It's interesting. All animals do it...but humans...what a weird breed. We have our instincts....little left but their there. The yawn, sex drive..ummm. yeah. can't really think of anymore. Here's a hidden one that most people don't notice. It is common in lizards to bob their head in differant ways to communicate. In humans there is an instict that most people don't notice..but it's there. When you see someone you know very well you nod up at them....when you see someone who you don't know..you nod down at them. I always found that interesting.....fucking A! I'm going on a rant. Anyhow...I probably need to get to bed. Until next time.

-The Beast

And yet...another drunkin' talk.

2007-02-06T23:20:00.000-08:00

So yeah....here I am. About to move to Thailand. I'm very excited about it. Other than that...the world turns and things happen around me...strange things indeed.

What's this? A girl at a bar:

I saw her eyeing me all night. She's cute. I have a level head about me and ask. "So what's your name?"

She says "beep" (edited for her own safety.)

"Ah, that's a lovely name, tell me (beep), do you love science?" (I choose this specific pick up line to weed through any bimbos that might seem appealing)

She said "Yes! I love it!"

(Ah wow, can it be true, a nice looking girl that's somewhat intelligent?)

I said "Well, then (beep) can I call you sometime?" (And no I am not really skipping through anything...this is actually how fast if happend)

"Yes"

So she gave me her number and said.."Well I work all the time and I have a boyfriend but you can call at "so and so" time.

And that became, STRIKE ONE.

So I don't call her...instead she calls me...I ended up giving her my digits as well.

What did we talk about? Well....to my disappointment...not science. Instead, a drawn out conversation of her love of shopping and pen striped pants for about an hour....oh yes, and let's not forget her deep love for "mudding". If you're not familiar with the term, mudding is....cutting donuts in a mud pit in a something like...or something that resembles that of a pick up truck. In the conversation she somehow invited me over "sometime when her boyfriend was not at home."

STRIKE TWO.

(Also keep in mind that she was not a keeper from STRIKE ONE.)

So yeah, she invited me over without knowing anything about me...didn't even bother to ask.

STRIKE THREE.

God, the more dumb women I meet, the more I want to just gather them all up...and gas them...or better yet...hook them up with other dumb rednecks such as themselves and ship them all off on an island full of mud and pick up trucks. They'll be so happy!

Moral of this story? Well, there is none really. But this week has been the happiest I ever been in a long time. I really don't know why. Maybe because I have nothing to worry about (women). Maybe because a path has been layed in front of me that I am truly looking forward to walking. Maybe because I am doing things for myself this time ...things that make me happy. Maybe all of the above? Yes, that's probably it.

I've been single for about a month...and I really don't have any intentions of meeting anyone or even "hooking up" with anyone. Sex? Eh, fuck sex. The urge is easily suppressed. I'm happy, what more can I ask for? I love this.

-Casey

Wolf at the scene.

2007-02-02T23:36:00.000-08:00

Cattle
Hundreds of them
I watch
behind the terrace
behind the weeds
disgusted
my instincts tells me to slay them all
what's the use
there are hundreds of them
they'll keep multiplying
I turn around
return to my den
escape the cold
and hope that another like me
will wonder in
by chance
and lay at my side

Big hands, I know you're the one!

2007-01-26T23:48:00.000-08:00

Well, haven't blogged in some time. So here it goes.

Life is depressing. Full of face first falls. I know most of the few close friends that I have have noticed a change in me. I've done some soul searching and found out some interesting things.
I used to be full of light, happy, inspired to go for the next big thing. I know now why those things have faded and have aged me for the last 4 years of my life.
I am a lonely person. I have been co-depenedent. I long for that true love that haunts me of every waking hour. My life goal ....my life goal of every minute of life is to find THE ONE. When I find something some what of THE ONE I get my hopes up....when it doesn't work out...I crash, I crash hard. I've searched hard...long.....I've been in serious denial. I've ignored my intuition and followed my heart. My heart is the strongest...most influencing part of me. This is a bad thing. In my mind I know I am wrong but my heart tells me different...guess who usually wins? And by the time the relationship is over.....a few months after it's over....I ask myself...what in the fuck where you thinking? She is so far from being right for you...you blind fool. And it's true. I can be an ignorant blind fool. Things will be different from now on. Now that I have gained a new enlightment and a new path has been opened before me. I search in myself to find the inner light again. It's coming back. I feel it and it's great. I've thought alot about moving....a whole lot. I need to move. There is nothing here for me....I am young, smart...full of light and have nothing to show for myself. I want to do something for myself....to show myself and to show others that I am following my soul. Let's let the cat out of the bag here and get right down to it. I am moving to Thailand. I've tried to keep it a secret ....but all paths lead to the evidential uncovery. I can live out all of my dreams in Thailand. My thoughts about moving to Thailand are too in depth to go over now.....but I know in my soul that this will be a great thing for me. To be humbled....to learn more....to change.....to become a better person....to become more like myself again, but more enhanced. I'm saving money and banishing the demons that haunt me. I feel so much better already. "ok you have the dream...now you have to go" (shaolin ulysses: kung fu monks in america). I'm done with childish games....dead end heart paths....getting involved with bad people....straying from my true heart. For now...I go out..."go through the motions." Smile, laugh, flirt, kiss, converse.....but I know where my true heart is now. So all of that that is done here will just be "going through the motions". I will do whatever makes me happy from now on. I am done being that submissive type....doing things against my heart just to make a woman happy in hopes of changing her, but in the end to fit me just right. Either you've got chemistry or you don't...I know that now. And the first woman who throws a blind eye to my bleeding heart will be rejected in the blink of an eye. I've talked to a girl tonight...she is to be married. I sat next to her on a bench outside of the bar and started conversing with her. I told her my story and she looked at me and asked "Are you a nice guy?" I said "I would like to think so....I do everything in my power to make my lady happy." She replied.."That's too bad...these days, nice guys finish last. It's sad but true. Be an asshole and you'll get the respect you deserve." I looked at her with a tilted head and realized....yeah you're right. I've heard this before...but never from a woman. The whole "system" is fucked. What world is this where women want to be treated badly? That statement, however...will not make me become an asshole...it inspires me. Because the few women out there that are SMART ENOUGH to figure out that they're getting treated nicely, will figure out that it is very much worth their while. This is what I am searching for. A common intellect, much like myself. Someone who sees through all of this bullshit (THE DUMBASS FUCKING GAME) and can appreciate someone for doing nice things for them and showing them that you really care for them. I'm so tired of being shit on and fucked over for nothing. I will be very picky and critical on choosing my next mate. In conclusion....in my experience....Women are fucking crazy. Please prove me wrong.

Yours in a drunkend, bitter rave,

-Casey fuckin' Shimek.

Cold Blooded Fun

2006-06-20T16:03:00.000-07:00

Texas Reptile Expo this weekend. I promised the lady that I wouldn't bring home any new babies. I do need a good set of snake hooks though. I had a run in with some water moccasins this weekend. I got a little brave and grabbed a few to pull them out of their burrows....Afterward I thought...Man, if I would have gotten bit by one out here, it would be really tough to make it to a hospital in time. So yeah, getting' some snake hooks.

While I'm chatting....I would like to clear something up on water moccasins. Any redneck in Texas will see a snake in the water and always assume that it is a water moccasin...And then proceed to blast away with his shotgun at it. Moccasins are a very nasty snake and have the potential to be fatal if you are bit...They're very aggressive and should be avoided. So how do you know if the water snake is a moccasin? An adult will be almost black with checkered black on it's belly. It will have slit pupils not round....And like the copperheads and rattlesnakes of Texas....Moccasins are pit vipers. This means that they have special heat sensing pits between each eye and nostril. Check it out here. Anyway, don't go blasting away at every water snake you see. They are not all harmful....Better yet, don't blast any snake, just be careful.

So what's been new with you?

2006-06-18T20:08:00.000-07:00

Life has been changing ever so much these last couple of weeks. Now that it's summer time and the sun is warming up all of our cold blooded friends, I'm having a feild day. I was waiting to post about everything until I could unload all of my pictures onto this computer...but for some reason this computer will not let me...and I have lost my camera charger. But, when I figure this out...I have alot of bad ass things to show off.
First! One sunny afternoon me and Neka were driving and I spotted something running on the road, I slammed on my breaks and threw it into park in the middle of the road. Neka's like "What the hell are you doing?!"
"Texas Tan!"
"What?"
"Empy out your make-up bag now!!"
She was a little upset that I yelled at her...but I just got excited, my first wild caught male texas tan tarantula (anaphopelma anax....sp?). Anyway, after awhile of keeping him I got to thinking ...well my coasta rican zebra tarantula's scientific name is Anaphopelma seemanni....and the texas tan is Anaphopelma anax.....it should be possible to breed them and make a new hybrid species....this of coarse, is illegal...but I've read about people doing it. Anyway, long story short I have a video of me introducing my texas tan (Ed) to my coasta rican zebra (Belle). It all ends in heartbreak for poor Ed....he was rejected as a mate but on the brightside, he was not killed and eaten! But I have the video and it's pretty freakin' sweet...they fought so aggressivly, I might have creamed my jeans just a little bit.

Work has been a son of a bitch to me lately but I've seen alot of wildlife...sometimes they make be the "wood-bitch"....I walk around the woods and cut down trees and clean out brush...not the best job in the world. But anyway, I've seen my first wild windscorpion and got quite a scare in almost being bit by a nest of brown recluses. Many people mistake other spiders for brown recluses (such as the wolf spider or the male southern house spider females southern house spiders are black)...but check the photo...the brown recluse is the only spider with a "fiddle" on it's back, and the recluse only has 6 eyes instead of 8 like most do. I ran into them when cutting up a tree that was the home of many of these little guys. I was putting the limbs on my shoulder and carrying them to a pile. Not one touched me until I put my gloves on to remove a limb and one ran out and bit my glove....I was like..Holy fuck! Brown recluse! I searched the tree and found many more. I checked myself twice for bites and found none...lucky me. The effects of a bite from these guys are pretty nasty. Here is a picture of a 4 day old bite from a recluse (Warning this pic is kind of Nasty). Their venom causes your skin to rot. Pretty cool huh?

Just the other day I was at my grandparents house and my brother Troy yells "Snake!" (I love it when that happens). So I made a mad dash towards him and find this snake coiled up in the barn door. I couldn't tell what it was right away but I told my brother to run inside and find something to put him in. While he ran in, I grabbed the little guy by the tail and thew him into the open grass to get a better look at him. He tried to slither away but I held his head down with a stick and grabbed the end of his tail with my other hand. Troy came running out with a Zip-Lock bag (come on Troy you could have found something better) and my dad joined in on the fun. Dad was like "what kind is it?" I said "Ratsnake". He took a look and said "No, this is a chicken snake. (By the way he was wrong..it was a ratsnake...but in a way right...my dad doesn't know that chicken snake and ratsnake are the same thing...just differant species of ratsnake..but I didn't argue) I handed him the end of the tail and Troy held the bag open....that didn't last long...as Troy got scared of getting bit when we tried to put him in the bag....so I held the bag open and dad put the snake in....I sealed the bag and for some reason wiped my face with the hand that I was holding the snake with. I immediatly bent over to gag. Dad was like "What's wrong? Are you bit?" Fuck I wish I would have been. When ratsnakes feel threatend they vibrate their tail to mimic a rattlesnake and emit a FOUL smelling odor. This shit is terrible...I can take alot of nasty stuff...but damn...this had my buckling over. So I brought the snake to the house to show grandpa and he goes "That's a copperhead! Kill it." I assured him that it wasn't. I then felt sinister and told my girlfriend "Hey, smell my hand...its smells kind of weird." She sniffed it and gagged and slapped me one good time. It was well worth the laugh. Anyway, so now I have a new pet on my hands. I drove home with him in a small plastic cage in the back seat and felt sick to my stomach the whole drive. The snake was staring at me the whole time vibrating his tail and hissing....striking at the cage wall and emitting that god awful odor. He's going to be a good pet though...he'll tame down and should grow to be about seven foot. I don't have a name for him yet....any ideas?

So I finally did it. I got a puppy. I've been talking to Neka lately about getting a dog...because, I just kind of go crazy without one. I love dogs, they're always there for you...they understand me and I understand them. Anyway, I saw this sign when me and Neka were at the store "Pit Bull Pups for sale 1 male 1 female $25. We took the sign and went over the next day to look at them. An elderly black woman came to the door and explained that they were her sons dogs and she couldn't afford to keep anymore. Her backyard consisted of 7 other adult pit bulls all chained to trees on a 4 foot chain....no water..no food. And you could tell that the owner of these guys were fighting them. The pups were a beautiful fawn color the male had a black mask and the female had no mask. I picked the male up and decided I would take him home....I got up the road a little ways and looked at Neka and she had the sad puppy eyes...so I turned around and she picked up the female. We brought them home and gave them both flea baths...they were both full of fleas. I gave them the look over and noticed that their gums and tongue were pale. I thought that maybe it was from being dehidrated out there for so long. Later on that day my dog (Noobus is his name) got car sick and threw up a large roundworm (oooh nasty). So I wormed him and told my girlfriend that her pup (Katana) probably has them as well. Well, Noobus is 100% better but Katana has been to the vet 3 times already, she won't eat or drink and she's always dehydrated. She said the vet sounded like she didn't think she was going to make it. But today Katana was playing and bouncing around like a pup should. Anyway, I hope she keeps getting better, she's such a sweetie. She loves to curl up on your neck and sleep. Noobus just likes to eat and bite...he's gonna be my tough guy guardian. Pics coming soon.

I'm trying to get a job back in Shiner so I can move back. We've been looking at rent houses and all that jazz. I'm pretty stoked about it. But I just really want to get the ball rolling and out of this slave house that I'm in right now. Speaking of slave house....it's late and I have to get ready for it tomorrow. Sorry to cut this short. Goodnight.

Good times.

2006-05-07T18:55:00.000-07:00

I'm moving back to San Marcos in July. I did some thinking and a walk through the San Marcos park and realized how much I liked it over there. Some of my best memories are in San Marcos walking and hanging out with Toben at the park. I'm looking at getting another dog. I miss my Toben too much. The lady I gave him to is a good mom to him and he's got lots of buddies to play with. The lady loves him alot as well. I could never ask for him back...I'm not an indian giver. I've been thinking about getting a Rottweiler, a great guard breed. And something a bit challenging for me as far as training goes. Anyway, I'll be living on Linda Lane, right by the book store where I belong, in a one bedroom townhouse ALONE...aside from my pets. I enjoy being alone....ALOT. San Marcos is a great place to be alone if you're an observer like me. There's always something going on over....some kind of drama or odd situation that I can always observe from a distance and entertain myself with. Anyway, that's my update. Goodnight.

Movin' to the country..gonna eat me alot of peaches.

2006-04-19T20:11:00.000-07:00

I took a little nap where the roots all twist
Squished a rotten peach in my fist
And dreamed about you woman
I poked my finger down inside
makin’ a little room for a ant to hide
Nature’s candy in my hand or can or a pie

I'm moving again. EXCITING.

Oh man, I almost forgot. Just to record some random information that I thought was funny in my life. The day before the wedding we stayed up kind of late playing dominos and drinking like your average fun loving Slavic. Anyway, I was sitting there under our canopy getting blasted and having a blast with the family when I felt something under my shirt on my right shoulder pinching....I grabbed it a couple of times and then finally tuned my shirt inside out and saw this. I reconized it right away. I looked at my old man and said "FUCK!". The old man says what? I show him and let him know that it's an "Epicauta vittata" also known as a North American Blister Beetle. I've never got tagged by one of these guys...but god it really sucks. The next day I woke up with three quater sized blisters on my shoulder that burned like hell. You see...when they feel threatend, they volentarily bleed...and they're blood has this effect on skin...it makes it blister...not like a little pimple of shit....no, like...it looks like you got severily burned. Anyway, I was fucked up at the time so I just threw the little guy off and proceeded to tell my old man that the "Epicauta vittata" Blister Beetle is old mother nature's viagra. You eat one or two of the little guys and you've got a raging hard on for a good while....but eat too many and you're throwing up with a fever...and a painful raging erection. Anyway, he looked at me with amazement and said "really...I might have to try that...my dick don't work like it used to." I looked up at the canopy and realized that it would be wise to move the game from under the canopy because Epicauta vittata had the top of the canopy covered. I've never seen so many...was it because it was raining and storming...and the right time of year? Who knows. Anyway...a couple of days past and I went to see my dad again and asked him if he tried the beetle yet. He looked at me and said "No, I haven't seen any of those beetle's since that night...next time we ought to save some of those sons of bitches. I'll wear that pussy out."

The Mollusk

2006-04-10T17:21:00.000-07:00

Hey little boy, whatcha got there?
kind sir it's a mollusk i've found
did you find it in the sandy ground?
does it emulate the ocean's sound?
yes I found it on the ground
emulating the ocean's sound
bring forth the mollusk cast unto me
let's be forever let forever be free
Hey little boy come walk with me
and bring your new found mollusk along
does it speaketh of the trinity
can it gaze at the sun with its wandering eye
yes it speaks of the trinity
casting light at the sun with its wandering eye
bring forth the mollusk, cast unto me
let's be forever let forever be free
You see there are three things that spur the mollusk from the sand
the waking of all creatures that live on the land
and with just one faint glance, back into the sea
the mollusk lingers, with it's wandering eye...

Sometimes it seems like life is trying to tell you something. For example....this week it started with me going to waterloo with Neka looking for some new music. My current CDs make me cringe when I look at them now....I've out played them all, and I'm bored. I picked up Ween - The Mollusk. I love Ween, always have, they never cease to spark my interest and put me in a good mood. Anyway, the album is called The Mollusk and I started to talk to Neka about the mating ritual of snails (yes, this is a typical date with me) and how the snails are hermaphrodites and they do an unusal thing when they mate....they shoot a "love darts" into one another. Anyway interesting topic...check it out more here. The next day I went to see my little brother...it was his birthday and he just turned 18. We went to go see a movie and he wanted to see Slither. I didn't know what the hell it was about. But man, I really enjoyed that movie. They really don't make horror movies like that anymore. I'm definately going to buy that one when it comes out. "That looks like something that fell off my dick when I was in the war." Random quote from the movie....anyway, great movie...funny. The next day (today) I was doing the usual at work (getting pissed off at Nacho and thinking about pushing him off the 7 story building we're standing on) and I had to go down in this trench that was dug to shoot some points for collums. I started to chip away at some rock and dirt and I found this (well, this isn't the actual pic because it's a real hassle to upload my pictures onto this computer...anyway it looks like that.)....a prehistoric mollusk. Pretty kick ass, I've never found anything like this before. But yeah....why is it that I'm encountering molluscan things every day? Perhaps I should geek out on these guys for awhile and give the spiders a break. They are interesting. For instance....think about it.....how can these guys possibly survive? They're soft, slow, and easy to kill. Seems like easy prey for insects such as ants. But they're not....snail and slug defences lie in their slime. They use their slime to move and to mate...but they use a differant type to slime to protect. If an ant bites a slug...the slug excreats the defence slime which gums the ants mouth shut and glues him to the ground. The ant dies most horribly...and all of his friends laugh at him. Anyway, that's about all I have for now...check RB's blog for the wedding wrap up. I didn't get any pictures from it and I don't recall much....I wonder why?

Costa Rican Zebra Tarantula(Aphonopelma seemani)

2006-03-28T16:57:00.000-08:00

I found an extra aquarium at my parents place that the old man was going to throw out. So I brought it home, cleaned it out, and put another creature in it. She's a Costa Rican Zebra Tarantula. That isn't an acual picture of her but I'll get those on here soon. I never dealt with a burrowing species before, but she seems to be doing fine. Just a litte potting soil, woodchips and a shelter and she's already dug herself a nice burrow. This species can really move when disturbed. I'm not used to that. Harriet just kind of walks away when disturbed. This one flew across the tank in a blur. Scared the shit out of me. She could have tagged me easily, but luckily this species isn't the aggressive old world type. Look forward to studying my new baby, I haven't got her a name yet. Any suggestions? I just joined the American Tarantula Society. So I am now officially....insaine. Hahaha, naaa.....I believe that there needs to be more people interested in this field, there is so little we know about these guys....and the only reason for that is...people are terrified of them and would rather squash them. I think they're beautiful creatures. Maybe this video will convince you a bit. Anyway that's it for now. It's about time I update this bitch. The only reason I got a chance to today was because it rained and work got cancelled. By the way, I don't know if I like this job yet....it's getting on my nerves quite frankly. Soon to come....Pictures and commentary from the snake farm and my brothers wedding, happening this weekend. It will be the first time I will ever be in a tux.....EVER.

Blake VS Mickey

2006-03-20T20:50:00.000-08:00

Not for the faint of heart.

More tarantula bidness

2006-03-02T10:11:00.000-08:00

Roberto and Mike P. have been trying to devise a plan for some time to get money. If I were trying to make money, the ideal business would have to be something I like. So here it is. The buisness of tarantuala trade. Tarantulas are very hardy creatures. They can live without food for up to 2 years. All they really need is water. You can feed them crickets as a staple food. Crickets are very cheap and easy to breed if you want your own food stock. All they require for breeding is...water, an apple slice and some moist sand. Anywhoo...tarantulas are great facinating creatures if you're into them. Breeding them can be difficult and depending on the species....the female will alot of times end up eating your male. But if the breed is successful you will end up with 500-1000 babies. And depending on the species...hobbiests out there are willing to pay big bucks for tarantuals. The highest spider of worth right now is the mexican golden redrump. For an adult mexican golden redrump you can get $1200. Mexican Orangebeauty $1000. Keep in mind that if you have a sucessful breed with two Mexican golden redrumps you have 500-1000 of them to sell. There are other species that are not so expensive that are on the market right now...$20 - $100 for the not so rare ones. Anyway, you could make a website much like this one and ship these guys all over the world....and getcho money. I'm going to make it big someday and owe it all to our eight legged friends TARANTULAS.

Another one bites the dust.

2006-02-21T20:27:00.000-08:00

Went to training today at the Shaolin dojo. Man, those guys can really throw a punch. I took a punch or two in the gut that knocked me on my ass. But I got minez in there too. I felt bad because I got one of the students right in the face with a punch. One of these days Alice...POW! Right to the moon! I'm going to be one sore bitch tomorrow taking all of those blows. Oh, and I have an interview tomorrow. This guy wants me to work for him...and play bass for him as well. It's pretty much in the bag. We'll see how that goes. Well, that's all for today folks..I'm tired as hell. Peace.

Jenny's 25 b-day madness.

2006-02-20T22:09:00.000-08:00

See RB's blog...fuck man, I can't compete.

But I do have some other stuff to talk about here. So the day after Valentines Day I get an odd phone call. From an old buddy. Me and this girl used to have some good times together in high school. I remember riding around and listening to oldies 103 in my green ass metro...passing notes in school like it was nobody's buisness. In high school I probably wrote to her more than I talked to her. I was such a shy little bitch back then. I haven't seen her in like 4 years. I somehow lost contact with her over the years. But thanks to my dad and her mom talking in a bar...we can talk once again. Miss Neka, where do I start with this character. She's a bit shy at first but once you get her going she'll have you on your ass having a good time. Her and I have always connected (highschool sweethearts). We've always been on the same level. Our minds are always in the gutter. And we just click when we hang out..feeding off of each other's thoughts and actions. Good times. I don't have any pictures of Miss Neka because someone is camera shy. So anyway, I got her to come to Austin for Jenny's birthday bash. She came over on Friday and was supposed to leave on Saturday but instead I took her back on Sunday...we just had too much fun and catching up to do. So anyway, this weekend I'm going back down to Shiner to deliver some money to the folks. After that, more hanging out with Neka. It's always a good feeling to hook up with someone you haven't seen in years. It's an instant high when you see them, as the memories of the past are jogged in an instant.

Single's Awareness Day (S.A.D.) or...Valentines Day.

2006-02-13T22:12:00.000-08:00

So here it is...the dreaded Valentines day. Happy VD everyone! Wait...that didn't come out right. Happy Valentines Day! Ah, there it is. But also watch out for VD..bad stuff man. So my Valentines Day is going great. Today I went to get my car checked out...had chinese with Crystal (Dustin's almost wife), and took my ex's engagement ring to the pawn shop (I thought it would be an appropriate thing to do on Valentines day)...I got $60, I was expecting to get ripped off. At least I got that thing out of my sight. It was like the ring off of Lord of The Rings. EVIL! I think me and Robert may go out tonight. Hell why not, today is a great day to go out and get smashed. Anyway that's about it. Coming soon at a blog near you, "V-Day Aftermath."

Canis Lupus

2006-02-09T11:15:00.000-08:00

I had a friend ask me the other day..."what about us? Are we natural?" And in my opinion...no we are not. If you look at it from nature's point of view. Because if you were to eliminate all of the human race all at once...nature would not suffer one bit...it would only benifit. Nothing in nature depends on humans. Every other life form has another life form that depends on it for survival ..for a balance in habitat. Nothing depends on us to survive. Humans have no balance in nature, not anymore. Maybe at one time we were natural...when we were hunted and at balance with nature...we used to play fair, we played the game of give and take. Not, take...deplete...repeat. It has been found that saber tooth tigers used to hunt cavemen for food. Turns out that their two large canines were the exact diameter of an adult cavemen's eyes. Cavemen skulls have been found with holes in the back of the eye sockets from teeth. So the saber tooth tigets method of killing a caveman was to sneak up behind an him and pounce on him and drive it's teeth through the eyes and into the brain for an easy kill. I'm kind of glad that stuff doesn't go on anymore.

Wolves are by far the most interesting animal in my book. I've always had a facination with these guys. I have this dream that I have every now and then that I've had since I was a kid. I'm with this pack of wolves and I'm part of the pack...I'm a wolf and we're running ... we're hunting. We all have this connection, the members of the pack and I. Be quiet alert, the pack needs food. We all have this understanding of what to do and what needs to be done to survive. And that's basically the dream. It's so real at times...the way I move as a wolf, the way the wolf form feels..it feels so real. It's always odd when I wake up from this dream because it's kind of akward to feel what it's like to walk on two legs again after this dream, it's so vivid. It's like when I wake up I have to almost relearn the feeling of walking because I've become so accustomed to the wolf form. Maybe I was a wolf of some sort in a past life? Who knows. I've always had a strong bond with canines.

This has happend a million times... but just a couple of minutes ago, I went over to Troy's girlfriend's (Toni) house...and they have this dog there that's supposed to be Mr. Bigshot. He's used to Troy already..but he's never seen me before. So I open the door and walk in the house and sit down. The dog looks at me for a second then jumps up on my lap. Toni's dad was like "What the hell's the matter with the dog? He always barks and nobody can usually touch him without getting bit." Who knows. I've got a million incidences like that. One particulaly odd incident is Crystal's (my brother's soon to be wife) neighbor's dogs. They have two huge boxers. And they're supposily pretty mean. Me and Dustin and some other friends will get to drinking and have to pee...so we usually go outside next to the fence. The dogs go apeshit trying to break through the fence and eat whoever is on the other side pissing. Except for when I go over there. They don't seem to mind me for some reason. I've even gone over there and gone into their backyard. The dogs run up barking with a mean look on their face and when they see that it's me, they stop and turn into little puppys.

So my vacation from work is going good. I'm having alot of fun and spent way too much money already. A break from work is nice...really nice. I have off until next Sunday. Who knows what my hands are going to end up in in the mean time. Well, I'm off to bed for now and will leave you all with this quote. I don't know who it's from though.

"It's better to be hated for what you are than to be loved for what your are not."

Influence me...show me how to be cool...I'll do anything.

2006-02-07T22:31:00.000-08:00

Crazy Bonobo Love

It seems the modern ingredients for finding a mate the easiest these days are...
1. Alcohol (or any other euphoria drug).
2. Rap Music.
3. Clothes the cool kids wear.

Not for Bonobos. The discovery channel has never shown the Bonobos (species of primate) on TV before. It's because these guys are sex crazy. It would be like showing an X rated movie. They have sex for everything. The males will trade food for sex...or oral pleasure even...any action they do usually has sex involved in it. Their whole social system revolves around sex. Sound familiar? Bonobos are the fogotten primate of the world. I believe they should be studied way more than how much they are now. They say the closest human realitive is the Chimpanze. I think we've definately got some Bonobo traits in us.

I have no idea where I'm going with this post. I'm kind of frustrated at the world and it's focus on women. Everywhere you look there are images of "hot" women posted up for everyone to see. Guys see them and say "Heeeeey, she's hot, I'd like to...". It's a natural reaction for us. Ladies see the images and us with our mouths open and say "So that's what guys like...I need to be like her in the picture, so I can get a nice man...I'm so fat." It's fucked up. I'm sick of people looking at their surroundings and trying to look like "what their supposed to look like." We're all just a bunch of stupid primates with a twisted social system. Commericalism controls what most people think...and how they think of themselves. If Nelly tells you that you need to treat women like a whores...you best treat women like whores. If you don't look anything like the woman on "dancing with the stars," you might as well give up because you're ugly. Bullshit. Everyone has their own body type and best of all, personallity...there are so many good personallities out there that are locked away because "T.V. says I'm fat." I've always told one of my buddies that I like the no make-up, baggy mickey mouse shirt, just woke up from a nap look. I'm a big fan of the natural look. Is it not natural to look this way? Come on ladies, you're not fooling anyone...we know you don't really look like that naturally. But, "it makes me look pretty." You're all pretty without it. That's just my opinion. I don't like the fact that mankind has made it ok for the female to be falsely obsessed over. It sounds like I'm an extreamly conservative fuck doesn't it? Not true, I just think that we're messing up our original programming. But then again, everyone likes something differant...and we have evolved. But evolved to what?

Just a song....very good lyrics though.

2006-02-01T21:52:00.000-08:00

Peter Murphy - Roll Call

On a long and winding grey paved street
Your breath the only friend
Chattering others surrounding you
You're going out again
It's a laugh and a gas, new crowd
You tell yourself
Why buttoning up a new red shirt
It's been a twenty years of doing this
Just the same night into night
Day into day
with your preset mind

Wake up with a preset mind
With no self control
And you decide to call the Roll Call
Of the socialites who mortified
Can't see as far as their next surprise
Yah, happy with nothing but the sweet F.A. of the night
Believing that they're alive and well
But if asked
They have nothing to tell
Except the words of a clashing rhyme
All calmed and out of sync
Even real sounds like a zero
To a brain in lip sync

You're not so brave, when I'm the snake, and you're my prey.

2006-01-30T09:59:00.000-08:00

Look how big my kids are getting! This guy was only about 6inches when I got him...now he's about a foot and a half. How exciting! His max growth will be about 5 or 6 feet. But, I don't expect him to get that big any time soon. The boy can eat though. He ate 2 full grown mice this week. What a big boy. Just some info on Ball Pythons....It's interesting because a ball python will rarely bite. Their main defence system is rolling into a tight ball and hiding their head when disturbed (hence the name...This is also why I'm not touching him too much in the pics...I wanted you guys to see the full length). If further disturbed they will hiss loudly and/or bite...not venomous because all pythons and boas have no venom, but kill by constriction. Most people don't know this but the anaconda (the largest snake in the world) is a species of boa constrictor. No venom at all...all constriction baby....this by no means means that the anaconda is harmless...any constrictor of that size is dangerious. But my ball python reaching a max length of 6 foot...is harmless, compared to 18ft+ anacondas.

So I've been doing some soul searching and I believe I found what I want out of life. Something to keep me interested, give me confidence, make me feel proud. I need to get back into martial arts. Not only that, but I want to master an art and teach it. This time around I'm going to move up quick and kick some serious ass. I found a Shaolin Kung Fu Grandmaster that teaches here in Austin. He's straight from the Shaolin Temples in China. He knows his stuff. The name is Grandmaster Sin The'. I really miss training. I've been thinking about it alot every since I got out. ...even more so now. I'm thinking about doing some tournament fighting this go around as well. I've never entered in a tournament because I was always more interested in survival combat than competition. But I figure the more I win in tournaments, the faster I can advance. Plus it's great experience...aside from all of the bullshit rules. All I need to do, is visit the dojo this weekend and talk with the master. I hope work lets me change up my schedule a bit. I plan on training pretty hard this go round.

By the way, I highly recommend this song. Jerry Reed - Amos Moses

Yeah...
Here comes Amos

Now Amos Moses was a Cajun
He lived by hisself in the swamp
And hunted alligator for a living
He'd just knock 'em in the head with a stump
The Louisiana law is gonna getcha you, Amos
It ain't legal hunting alligator down in the swamp, boy

Now everyone blamed his old man
For makin' him mean as a snake
When Amos Moses was a boy
His daddy would use him for alligator bait
Tie a rope around his waist and throw him in the swamp

Ha ha ha

Alligator bait in the Louisiana bayou
About forty-five minutes southeast of Thibodeaux, Louisiana
Lived a man called Doc Milsap and his pretty wife Hannah
Well they raised up a son that could eat up his weight in groceries
Named him after a man of the cloth
Called him Amos Moses

Yeah
Ha ha

Now the folks around south Louisiana
Said Amos was a hell of a man
He could trap the biggest, the meanest alligator
And just use one hand
That's all he got left cause an alligator bit it
Ha ha ha
Left arm gone clean up to the elbow

Well the sheriff got wind that Amos
Was in the swamp trappin' alligator skin
So he snuck in the swamp gonna get the boy
But he never came out again
Well, I wonder where the Louisiana sheriff went to

Heh heh

Well you can sure get lost in the Louisiana bayou
About forty-five minutes southeast of Thibodeaux, Louisiana
Lived a cat called Doc Milsap and his pretty wife Hannah
Well they raised up a son that could eat up his weight in groceries
Named him after a man of the cloth
Called him Amos Moses

Sit down on 'em Amos
Make it count son
About forty-five minutes southeast of Thibodeaux, Louisiana
Lived a man called Doc Milsap and his pretty wife Hannah...

Why does life have to rock so hard sometimes?

2006-01-29T21:22:00.000-08:00

So yesterday I went to Nephew's with my brother Dustin and a couple of friends. Needless to say, I got pretty trashed. Isn't alcohol such a weird drug? It makes you feel 10 feet tall and have the confidence of a bulletproof bear. I was offered by my brother to do "the sprinkler" on the table for a cool five bucks if I made a rotation and a half. So I got on the table and did "the sprinkler" for only one rotation...i didn't get the five bucks. So anyway, I ordered another drink and our server (cute girl named Emily) said that my card was not at the bar. Anyway, long story short she found it at the bar and apologized. So for the rest of the night she kept sucking up to me...fool wanted that tip!
I went up to these ghetto looking black chicks at one point in the night and said "Hi, I'm Casey, I'm just a skinny whiteguy with no game, wanna dance?" I got a nice dirty look and a gentle shove. At least I didn't get slapped. I was determined to dance with someone ghetto as hell that night...it was just a wild hair like..."Goal tonight...at least one ghetto girl." I don't know why that brewed in my skull, but it did. So I saw these other two black chicks with these really big coats on up against the wall looking all mean and shit. I asked one of them to dance to a country song in front of her "peeps".....they all laughed at me, but! She said yes, brave girl, I had to give her props. She said she never danced country before and no one had asked her to dance all night. It was probably because of that gigantic coat. But anyway, it was fun.
So the night was closing out and Emily came up and asked if I wanted to close out my tab. We started talking about something and I remember saying "Well hey, can I get your number...no really, I'm not hitting on you..I just want to call you and try to make you laugh." Because that's what drew me to her, she had a great smile....but talk about a lame ass pick up line. So she laughed at me and said, "are you gonna leave a good tip?" I said "humongous." So she gave me her number and I got the check...I looked at the receipt and on the tip line I wrote $5.00....then I scratched out the zeros and wrote in .75 as a joke. I thought that was pretty funny. I crack myself up sometimes. So we get back home and it's like 3a.m. I'm feeling pretty trashed and I think, "I wonder if that number works?" So I call it at 3am. Ring ring "hello?" I slammed my phone shut immediately and giggled a bit. God I'm an idiot.

So today me and RB went to Target and bought a bookshelf and a clothes hamper...fun stuff. We cleaned the house pretty much all day. We (me, Robert, and a girl called Jenny K) had a nice walk at the Barton Creek Park. Robert took a couple of photos of me shirtless and shameless. I never realized how much of a skinny white bitch I look like....I'm sure Robert will have those on his blog. Feel free to sell those pics to the porno industry. I could be the next Ron Jeremy.....maybe my porn name could be C-Bones.
Harriet was out of hiding today and displaying some strange behavior. She was crawling on the glass of her cage. She never does that, she shouldn't, she's a terrestrial type of spider not an aboreal. Anyway, I got some great photos of her....my how she has grown. Look at this old pic of her when she was just a spiderling.

A great undershot of sweet Harriet...look at those fangs! She's bitten me once when she was smaller..hurt like hell! Which is why I don't handle her anymore.

My hand next to her so you can see just how big she is. How would you like to wake up to that every morning? Well ladies, this is just one of the many things I have to offer.

Where is love in that jungle haze?

2006-01-24T22:40:00.000-08:00

Well, I couldn't sleep last night...felt a bit feverish. I went to bed at around 1am and woke up at 4am sweating my ass off. I stayed up and stared at the wall in deep thought until it was time to go to work...I left a bit early so I could eat some breakfast...I left home around 7:30am. I couldn't find a decent place to eat some breakfast so I just went to Whataburger and got a #4....that's bacon and chee burger, with some greesey ass fries...I forced down the greese pile with a gallon of soda and headed to work. 9:00am...Damn the luck, the truck arrived early today, 1118 cubic feet. My back and bones ached from this sickness. This was going to be fun. So I did the whole work thing and left at 2pm instead of 6pm....what can I say, I wasn't up for anymore physical labor. I got home and crashed out in my dirty ass work clothes on my bed (note to self, wash sheets) for a good 5 hour nap. I woke up feeling even more sick so I ate some Day-Qil...nice red pills, they always do the trick. Robert and Jenny ordered a pizza...I ate 4 slices and drank some more of that soda (good for diabetes I hear). After that I asked Robert if he wanted to go get a movie with me. So, we headed off to get a movie, but first to pic up Roberts lap top from work. The Old 97's playing the whole way there. I don't mind it at all Robert, they're growing on me. We arrive at the movie shop after the laptop retrieval and neither of us knows what to get...Robert goes back to the car to listen to an audio book ("Why Do you Care what Other people Think?") while I search for a movie. It's just not happening, I can't find anything I want to watch. In the background I can hear some Hollywood Video associates talking about Brokeback Mountain and jokeing about gay cowboys eating pudding. So I look through the new releases and see GrizzleyMan. I pick it up and head to the front counter. I look at the candy...I can never resist, I always have to get the green apple sour straws...so I pick up a pack. Two guys are leaving the store at that very moment, the girl up front who's name tag reads "Veronica" says to them "All these movies and yall still couldn't find anything to watch." She was pretty rude but, I thought it was hilarious...the go to hell looks that the two guys gave her. She saw me laughing and gave me a smile...she was pretty cute. The other associates were talking about the two guys ...saying that they think they offended them by making the gay cowboy comments, the couple may have been gay. Veronica proceeds to check me out and says the the sour straws are two for a dollar...kick ass....I pick up another....the blueraspberry flavor...why not? Never tried that one before. I gave Veronica a final smile before I left the store. I told Robert I needed some more meds for my sick body. We drove to the HEB next door. I walk in, grab the meds, (Day-Qil and Ny-Qil) and hurry back to the car. We drive home and park in front of the driveway. I'm walking to the house with a movie (GrizzleyMan), two packs of candy (Sour apple and Blueraspberry), and a box of Day-Qil/Ny-Qil. This is what dreams are made of baby. We get inside the house and I put the movie in and start on the Sour Apple Straws....I'll save you all alot of boredom (if that's possible at this point). The whole movie is not a documentary on a man living with bears...but a documentary on the details of how a man and his girlfriend were consumed by a bear. "I saw this human ribcage that the bear was chewing on...I knew it was his." God, what a shitty movie...I couldn't watch all of it. I turned it off and here I am. That was basically my day...almost to a T. Hopefully I'll feel better tomorrow and have something more interesting to write about.

Why?

2006-01-24T16:07:00.000-08:00

I can't believe this... I'm not even over my cold and it feels like I'm getting sick again. I've been so tired and achey lately. I wish this would just pass over already. I hate being sick.

Take me in the Morning, take me in the Rain.

2006-01-22T14:59:00.000-08:00

This weekend has past and managed to create more tangles in my soul. Sometimes when you have this big ball of tangles and you tug on one of the tangled parts in effort to free it...you end up freeing it somewhat...but tightening the other tangles which makes it more difficult to free the other parts. I think the best way to get out of a big ball of tangles is to gently grasp the whole thing and start to pull apart the mess. Soon, by taking a gentle approach to it all, and sort of...massaging it, you will have everything straightend out. Isolating and obsessing over the more tangled parts will only make it worse. It's a slow process and you shouldn't let it frustrate you.
I'm not in the best of moods today...I should be, but I guess it's just one of those days. One of those days that seems like the world has this big stick and won't stop poking you with it. I really have to start getting on the ball with my life. I need to do some soul searching and find out what I want out of life. I feel like I'm at a stand still.... and at times, it feels like I'm slipping backwards. I've just hit this rutt in life and it seems like it's so hard to move. I'm not a big fan of wasted time or regret, so I feel I need to act fast.....this post is going nowhere fast, haha. Yeah, I'm just gonna go ahead and stop now.

I thought this was fucking hilarious.

2006-01-20T17:09:00.000-08:00

I found this on a series of myspace jumps from my martial arts buddies.

Chuck Norris Owns Your A$$

Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. But he is so badass, he has never cried. Ever.

Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.

Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.

The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain.

If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can't see Chuck Norris, you may be only seconds away from death.

Chuck Norris has counted to infinity. Twice.

Chuck Norris does not hunt because the word hunting infersthe probability of failure. Chuck Norris goes killing.

Chuck Norris doesnt wash his clothes, he disembowels them.

Chuck Norris is 1/8th Cherokee. This has nothing to do with ancestry, the man ate an Indian.

In fine print on the last page of the Guinness Book of World Records it notes that all world records are held by Chuck Norris, and those listed in the book are simply the closest anyone else has ever gotten.

There is no chin behind Chuck Norris' beard. There is only another fist.

Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked someone so hard that his foot broke the speed of light, went back in time, and killed Amelia Earhart while she was flying over the Pacific Ocean.

Crop circles are Chuck Norris' way of telling the world that sometimes corn needs to lie the fuck down.

Chuck Norris is ten feet tall, weighs two-tons, breathes fire, and could eat a hammer and take a shotgun blast standing.

The Great Wall of China was originally created to keep Chuck Norris out. It failed misserably.

If you ask Chuck Norris what time it is, he always says, "Two seconds 'til." After you ask, "Two seconds 'til what?" he roundhouse kicks you in the face.

Chuck Norris drives an ice cream truck covered in human skulls.

The Plague and Theraphosa blondi

2006-01-17T10:50:00.000-08:00

I'm sick...must have caught it from Jenny...or the people at work. Anyway, I called in today. I feel like I need to be productive....but I feel like grand caca.

The Goliath Bird Eater ... "Theraphosa Blondi" is the largest spider on earth. Record sizes are more than 12 " across. I've only got the chance to see one of these guys at a reptile show. They're the only spider that can produce a loud hiss when they're aggitated. They hiss by a method called "stridulation". It's interesting because they use hairs on their legs to make the sound...it works similar to how vel-cro works. It's fangs are larger than most snakes...but, it's bite isn't fatal to most humans. It's urticating hairs (a Mexican Redknee "hair flicking" urticiating hairs) are supposed to be the most painful from the bird eater. These hairs that they flick off their back act like micro-harpoons covered in poison. I've read that even when gloves are worn....the goliath bird eater's hairs can still penitrate. In the wild these can easily kill mice or other intruders of their burrows by getting caught in the throat. I've read that few keepers of this breed have gone blind from having the spider too close to their face and getting an eyefull of spider needles. Tribes in the Amazon eat Goliath Bird eaters by putting them on sticks and roasting them. I wonder when I'll get to see one of these guys again.

Who can say?

2006-01-15T13:10:00.000-08:00

Well, I believe I'm getting better. But I can't help but to ask myself "will you ever love again?". And after my mind analizes my state and feeling, the answer is "No". How can I? The way I feel...it seems it is impossible to ever love again. But I know that it IS possible. I know the correct answer is "Who can say?" I know that the heart is differant from the mind in that the heart can be jump started at any given point in time...by anyone, before the mind knows what's going on. So it is impossible to know IF and WHEN you will fall again. That's the great thing about love...you don't need to analize it or think about it...it's just there. You can't explain it or hide it, because the feeling is so great. My biggest fear in life, I think would have to be....that I grow to be one of those bitter old men without a soul. His soul is calloused over from being trampled on and done wrong. So calloused that all the light ceases to shine through. The only time he ever feels a spark of light is through good memories....but what can you do when your memory is failing you too? Just stay shut in your house....sit on the sofa, get drunk, and watch Matlock.
So Natalie emailed me again...we're kind of friends now. She wants to get together sometime with a group of friends and hang out sometime. I'm not ready to see her yet. I don't know how I'll react ..... I don't want to have a complete relapse of depression. I think I'll just wait until I'm ready.

What an odd post...where did that come from?

Mankind can be very depressing.

2006-01-15T10:27:00.000-08:00

All because of uncertainty and disappointment one can drop everything and forget the main path of the heart. That breaks my heart to know that people can do things without thinking....without feeling. Hmmm...I don't think I'm making any sense. What do you think?

Floating words in a whirlpool of alcohol.

2006-01-12T22:00:00.000-08:00

Trying to take control over things that cannot be controlled only causes great pain.

People rip themselves apart doing this every day.

Accept, Acknowlege, and Appreciate.

Walk a mile in my shoes...or a few steps.

2006-01-12T15:55:00.000-08:00

So I called my mom at work the other day and this is how the conversation went. "First State Bank how may I help you?" "Yes, can I speak with Pat Shimek please?" "Ooooh no, she's out sick today....she's throwing up and got the squirts if ya know what I mean....who is this? Can I take a message?" "Click." No really, I had to hang up...it was that fucking funny to me. God, who just says that to anyone? She didn't even know who I was and she told me that Pat Shimek...my mom....has the squirts. Fucking gold.

The other day at work this lady returned this bag and said "For some reason this bag is just to bulky." I thought to myself....hmmm, could that reason be because it IS bulky.

This other guy at work was trying to return this camera and got all pissed off when Shaun told him he couldn't, so the guy says "Well that's it...I'm never shopping at Home Depot again!" Shaun replied "That's fine sir but you can come back to Circuit City any time you like." Of coarse the guy got pissed and stormed out...funny shit though.

So my warehouse team at work got #1 in the whole company for getting product to the customer in less than 15 minutes. So anyway, they did this article on the circuit city intranet about us and put this really lame picture of me fake running, with some product under my arm and with a ticket in my hand on the site. The boss says I'm a celebrity in the circuit city world because the corporate guys are posting my pics up everywhere...anyway it's funny...you just have to see it.

Well Jenny Janak's son...Benny. Just pooped by my bed again today. This is the second time....I wonder what he's doing that for? Jenny said he never did that before. I wonder if he's mad at me. Trying to poop me out of the house or something. Hmmm. I'll get to the bottom of this pooping buisness.

Well, my scorpion is dying....I don't know why. All of his limbs are paralized except for his tail and stinger. I'll poke at him and he'll just wave that tail around trying to sting me. He might just be old...or have some kind of parasite eating away at his innards. Either way...I think I'm going to have to put him out of his misery today.

So Troy's coming up to Austin with Toni (his girlfriend) tomorrow....I think they're trying to hook me up with this chick called Jimmie. Toni...Jimmie....chicks with guy names. Eh, I never really like being "hooked up" but I'll give it a try if we click.

Got this work party next Friday...the ladies from work want me to go. I'm gonna go...I hope it's a jolly good time and not hip hop till you drop. It's gonna be a ho - down "You bring the hoe's and I'll get down" -Shaun. That guy's funny.

Well, that's what's been going on in my life.

Aye aye aye....sharpen your boot and bludgeon your eye.

Just your average day.

2006-01-03T16:30:00.000-08:00

Well today the boss made me come in an hour early...so I arrived an hour early. Did busy work until the truck arrived...it was around 1000 cubic feet of shit. The cool thing was, I got to go on a delivery to this rich lady's house while everyone finished the truck. I was gone for about an hour and when I got back I clocked out and went home. Man, exciting stuff. I got home ...watched some Ren & Stimpy, Robert got home and started to make some hamburger helper. Yeah baby. Oh yeah, the cat is out of the bag on this little guy I got. RB, I thought you were going to freak out.. but you took it pretty well. Anyway, I've got a snake that I've been keeping for awhile now. A beautiful male ball python. Anyway, that was basically my day. Just an average day.

What matter of man is this?

2005-12-28T14:20:00.000-08:00

I'm going to have to find a home for my beloved son Toben. He's such a good boy. Me and Ben have done it all together. And he's so beautiful and loving. It's going to be hard to let go of my boy. But I'm hoping to find him a good home with someone close to me so I can at least go visit him from time to time.

Living with this new "family" is great. RB, Jenny, Christen, Benny, I love you guys. It's great coming home to that nice energy you all have. We make such a lovely vibe together. I love it. Each one of you have a signiture drunk move you do...RB has the look deeply into your eyes and sing thing, Jenny has the RB headlock move, and Christen does the boob pictues. God that's fucking gold. I don't think I've figured out my special move yet. Hee hee.

New years plans for this year: NONE. Here's my prediction for the upcoming new years...I'm going to go down to Shiner and I might go to the Shiner Dance for shits and grins....I'll get shitfaced and will probably make out with an under aged highschool girl....I wake up in the morning with a hangover and a number that I won't call...... and I'll wonder why my hands burn and my eyebrows are sindged off and then I'll remember..."Ah, right...fireworks". It's life baby and I love it.... I wouldn't trade it for the world....maybe another world...but not this one.

Back to my roots...back to the seed.

2005-12-03T11:40:00.000-08:00

I got a chance to get back to my meditation today. I haven't done it in awhile. Love can be distracting. The quickest way up a tree is up the trunk....I've been way out on a limb chasing squirrels instead of keeping to my untimate destination....... trying to admire the beauty from the top of the tree. It's really amazing. The things you can learn from looking inside yourself and letting go of everything. I believe I'm finally over Natalie now. It was a sad thing, but that's past. We had a good time together. I didn't not lose her, she's still here. These feelings will not pass, not make me sad....but happy. NOTHING can truly be lost. When we feel sad about something or someone we lost...we forget about the mindfullness and the wholeness of life. Dali Lama's speech had this wholeness theme to it. By feeling a sense of losing someone we get a feeling of becoming less whole by forgetting that we are whole. Life is great. Our light was meant to shine, not to fizzle out.

Thanksgiving?

2005-11-25T15:54:00.000-08:00

Yeah, so I didn't really have a Thanksgiving this year. What did I do you ask? Well, I got home from work on Wednesday and dogged Nate dog out on the gym because I was too tired....I was at home by myself feeling all shitty, so I called Troy to see what the family was up to.....Troy said he was at a party in Yoakum......I pulled the wild card and drove down to Yoakum and went to one of Troy's Yoakum party....I ended up spending the night up there. I had a good time. I drove back to Austin the next day and ate 4 tylonol pm's and went to sleep at about 9:00pm .....I rose at 3:30am for work and just got off here at 6:00pm. I really need a couple days off. R.B. if you're reading this....tomorrow we party like Kings. Fucking Kings I tell you!!!

2005-11-22T22:22:00.000-08:00

God, I'm really feeling it now. I hate this.

A good dose of hell never hurt anyone.

2005-11-22T10:02:00.000-08:00

Well were do i start....I've been drinking way to much lately....and I haven't been sleeping and that shit finally caught up with me the other day. I got home from work and went to sleep at 4:30pm and woke up the next day at 1:30pm...that's like...21 hours of sleep. Niiiiiiiice. Guess I need to take things down a notch.

I went to this shitty party yesterday...this guy from work invited me. It was so stupid. Lots of shity pop rap was playing while the entire party was playing a game of "you got served". Everyone was trying to out dance each other. One of the most akward situations I've been in. I just kind of sat in a corner and sucked the booze down and hoped that they wouldn't call me into the circle to "bust a move." The cops showed up because they were playing Golddigger to loud. And the host tried to convice me to claim all of the beer at the party since I was the only one of age there. I left pretty quick after that....stopped at wendy's for a number 4 and called it a night.....well, almost.

I went home home instead of nate-doggs place....so me and Natalie had another long talk. I've been doing that lately...going out and getting smashed and then going home to natalie and talking .....mostly about my insecurities....and the stupid "closure" that my heart tells me that I supposely need. Overall Natalie has been pretty cold to me which makes me feel like a fish out of water gasping for breath. I keep having these crazy dreams too.
Last night there was this psychic doing this tarot card reading on me saying something about "a pale horse".....and that I'm going to die....then after that there was this old dirty bum with all gold teeth yelling at me telling me that I was this deamon and that the whole town knows that my death is coming soon. I don't know what all of this death stuff means in my dream.....A lot of times when you dream of death...it's signifying a new begining.....wish the dreams weren't so harsh and spooky though. Anyway, that's about all I've got.

Peace out and for gods sake, watch out for those psychics and bums.

Plug them holes

2005-11-16T14:25:00.000-08:00

Today I'm gonna go to the gym with Nate and stay at his place and have some fun.

Bless the father bless the son
Cross your heart 'cause you're the one
Collectin' moon-beams in the mornin'
Curvy sticks and wooden poles
Assistin' you in pluggin' holes
Plug them holes till you see straight through to the mind's eye
Think about it turn around
And go back to the quiet sound
Of jim and dan prancin' round the pool
You were the fool,
and i feel sorry for you
You were the fool,
but there's something you can do
You can wash your arm in a pool of mud
You can chop a tree prevent a flood
You can speak with a turtle just by flippin' him around
You can build a boat sail the sea
You can buy a moat forge a key
Initiate the sequence create catastrophe
Think about it turn around
And go back to the quiet sound
Of jim and dan prancin' round the pool
You were the fool, and i feel sorry for you
You were the fool, but there's something you can do
Bless the father bless the son
Cross your heart 'cause you're the one
Collectin' moon-beams in the mornin'
Curvy sticks and wooden poles
Assistin' you in pluggin' holes
Plug them holes till you see straight through to the mind's eye
Think about it turn around
And go back to the quiet sound
Of jim and dan prancin' round the pool
You were the fool,
and i feel sorry for you
You were the fool

The Night of the Living Dread

2005-11-14T19:39:00.000-08:00

I've been dreading this post, but it's gotta be done.
So me and Natalie did the whole break up thing. It sucks, but I actually think that I'm taking it pretty well. So I get drunk alot.....no change there. I went to a stupid work party the other day....I could kick myself in the ass for going to one of those. I'll probably go to another one soon though...just because....it feels like the appropriate thing to do now. There was actually an ok girl there that was kind of interesting. I talked to her the whole night instead of yelling "Whooooo! Whooooooo! Whoooooo!" And shooting tequila. It sucks because now at work everone is like "So you jumping back into the saddle pretty quick huh?" What the fuck is wrong with people? I was talking to an interesting person and had no intentions of "gettting in the saddle" with her. I guess they're the type of people who do that sort of thing. Talking to someone of the opposite sex isn't always foreplay.
Also, this girl I used to see in highschool somehow found out about the break up and keeps calling me now. I might hang out with her one of these days...but, I'm not wetting the willy or anything. hahaha.
Well, I'm back on the market now, so....attention all hoes....call me.

-Casey

Halloween stuff

2005-11-01T00:14:00.000-08:00

So for Halloween me and Nathan both dressed up like werewolves, Natalie was a witch and we went out with Rose to a Hip hop club downtown. It sucked balls, I think I already expressed my feelings about downtown on a later post. I think I'm just going to stop going downtown forever. After we went hip hoppin' we went to the ritz for a few beers. I got alot of compliments on the old outfit....heh heh. I'll get some pics soon. Hmm, what else .....star wars comes out on dvd tomorrow. Horray. Anyway, that's about it....fuck it's Halloween night and there's nothing scary on. What gives?

A word on testicles and snakes

2005-10-18T20:39:00.000-07:00

So, why are rat testicles so large?

Look at these balls!!!!

A species' sexual anatomy is related to its mating system -- who mates with whom. In species in which many males mate with one female when she is in heat, sperm from all these males is deposited in the female's reproductive tract in a short span of time. A male that deposits more sperm under these conditions will have a higher chance of fertilizing the female's eggs, and hence siring offspring. Males with larger testicles produce more sperm, and therefore have an advantage in such a sperm competition scenario. This is called sperm competition theory, because sperm from different males duke it out inside the female's reproductive tract.
Rats have just such a mating system in which multiple males mate with one female, especially at higher population densities. When a female rat comes into heat, she may be mated by multiple males in a short span of time. The male with the biggest testicles will produce the most sperm, which means he'll have a higher chance of fertilizing some of her eggs.
In contrast, species in which just one male mates with a female during her estrus don't have sperm competition, because the sperm racing to fertilize the female's eggs belong to a single male. There is no need to produce a lot of sperm, so males of such species can afford to have small testicles.
This relationship between testicle size and sperm competition holds true across the animal kingdom, and has been found in mammals (primates, sheep, rodents etc.), birds, amphibians, fish and insects. In fact, testicle size is considered an excellent predictor of a species' mating system. Species in which multiple males mate with a female in a short span of time encounter sperm competition and have large testicles relative to their body size. Species in which just one male mates with a female encounter no sperm competition and have relatively small testicles.
What about the testicles of humans and our close relatives, the gorilla and the chimpanzee? Gorillas are large 400 pound animals, but their testicles are tiny, a little over 1 oz together. Gorillas live in small groups in which one male mates with multiple females -- no sperm competition, hence the small testicles. Chimpanzees are much smaller animals, tipping the scales at 100 pounds, but they have large testicles weighing about 4 ounces together. Not surprisingly, chimpanzees live in groups with multiple males and females, and when a female comes into heat she may mate with several males in one day. This means lots of sperm competition, hence the large testicles.
Humans fall between gorillas and chimpanzees, with a body size around 150-200 pounds, and testicles that weigh about 1.5 ounces. Human testicles are neither especially large nor especially small. This indicates that humans have a mating system that was neither as promiscuous as that of the chimpanzee, nor as exclusive as that of the gorilla. Therefore, sperm competition probably played a small role in the evolution of our sexual anatomy and behavior.

Intersting the way humans probably went from "gang banging" to ..... Love?

I also met the most beautiful snake I've ever seen in my life. It was a red tailed boa constrictor....I'm definately going to be looking into these guys for the future.
http://community.webshots.com/photo/430554404/430554404KXorjO

Renaissance Poo Poo

2005-10-05T19:55:00.000-07:00

Renaissance fest was a big shit and a half. I don't think I'll ever go again. It was basically the same as last year. There are alot of meatheads there. It should be called the drunk/show me your boobies fest. It just gets old pretty quick. I got stranded there because Nate drove home all drunk instead of staying the night like a responsible boozehound. Anyway, it was fun for the first few hours...and then I just kept thinking..."man I can't wait to get home and go to sleep." I'm such a pussy. This weekend I have off and I have no plans. Which is great. I can do anything I want.
Oh yeah Natalie's grandparents gave me and Nat a free weeks vacation in Colorado. But...I don't think that work will give me off since it will be in December during the holidays. Oh why does life have to revolve around money? If work does give me off I don't know if we'll go anyway....Natalie's all for it...but, I want to spend Christmas with the family like always. I'm too much of a family chum....Especially around Christmas.
As for the animal of the month I've been studying...well...the beastmaster has been busy. I've been researching rats. Facinating creatures. The most inteligent rodent in the world. In fact, in Africa they are using them to find mines. They learn faster than dogs and are better at finding mines than them as well. Very interesting this is. They can learn to come when called and actually accept humans into their rat society...I mean, treat a human as one of their colony members. Reminds me of that movie Willard. I've gotta rent that hoe again....good movie. Anyway....that is all.

Mortal Kombat : Shaolin Monks

2005-09-23T21:37:00.000-07:00

So I picked up the newest Mortal Kombat game this weekend. Shaolin Monks...wow how cool....I shaved my head for the occation...just to be a dork. Me and Nate have been geeking out on that mofo for about 2 drunkin' days now. Nate just ditched me to go downtown with Rose. I really have no desire to go downtown anymore. I just don't have a good time down there anymore. Rather be kicking some outworld ass Kung Lao style BEEEOOOOOOOOTCH! Shang Sung suck my cock!

Harriet's molt

2005-09-21T15:32:00.000-07:00

Harriet had her first witnessed molt this past weekend. I missed most of it. Under all her skin she's grown about 1/4 of her original size and has new hair and a nice reflective red coloring on her cephelothorax. She's acting a bit weird now though. I hope it was a successful molt. Sometimes when tarantulas molt their bodies become deformed from it. Hopefully she'll snap out of it and eat some bugs already.