Who can say?

Well, I believe I'm getting better. But I can't help but to ask myself "will you ever love again?". And after my mind analizes my state and feeling, the answer is "No". How can I? The way I feel...it seems it is impossible to ever love again. But I know that it IS possible. I know the correct answer is "Who can say?" I know that the heart is differant from the mind in that the heart can be jump started at any given point in time...by anyone, before the mind knows what's going on. So it is impossible to know IF and WHEN you will fall again. That's the great thing about love...you don't need to analize it or think about it...it's just there. You can't explain it or hide it, because the feeling is so great. My biggest fear in life, I think would have to be....that I grow to be one of those bitter old men without a soul. His soul is calloused over from being trampled on and done wrong. So calloused that all the light ceases to shine through. The only time he ever feels a spark of light is through good memories....but what can you do when your memory is failing you too? Just stay shut in your house....sit on the sofa, get drunk, and watch Matlock.
So Natalie emailed me again...we're kind of friends now. She wants to get together sometime with a group of friends and hang out sometime. I'm not ready to see her yet. I don't know how I'll react ..... I don't want to have a complete relapse of depression. I think I'll just wait until I'm ready.

What an odd post...where did that come from?