What matter of man is this?

I'm going to have to find a home for my beloved son Toben. He's such a good boy. Me and Ben have done it all together. And he's so beautiful and loving. It's going to be hard to let go of my boy. But I'm hoping to find him a good home with someone close to me so I can at least go visit him from time to time.

Living with this new "family" is great. RB, Jenny, Christen, Benny, I love you guys. It's great coming home to that nice energy you all have. We make such a lovely vibe together. I love it. Each one of you have a signiture drunk move you do...RB has the look deeply into your eyes and sing thing, Jenny has the RB headlock move, and Christen does the boob pictues. God that's fucking gold. I don't think I've figured out my special move yet. Hee hee.

New years plans for this year: NONE. Here's my prediction for the upcoming new years...I'm going to go down to Shiner and I might go to the Shiner Dance for shits and grins....I'll get shitfaced and will probably make out with an under aged highschool girl....I wake up in the morning with a hangover and a number that I won't call...... and I'll wonder why my hands burn and my eyebrows are sindged off and then I'll remember..."Ah, right...fireworks". It's life baby and I love it.... I wouldn't trade it for the world....maybe another world...but not this one.

Back to my roots...back to the seed.

I got a chance to get back to my meditation today. I haven't done it in awhile. Love can be distracting. The quickest way up a tree is up the trunk....I've been way out on a limb chasing squirrels instead of keeping to my untimate destination....... trying to admire the beauty from the top of the tree. It's really amazing. The things you can learn from looking inside yourself and letting go of everything. I believe I'm finally over Natalie now. It was a sad thing, but that's past. We had a good time together. I didn't not lose her, she's still here. These feelings will not pass, not make me sad....but happy. NOTHING can truly be lost. When we feel sad about something or someone we lost...we forget about the mindfullness and the wholeness of life. Dali Lama's speech had this wholeness theme to it. By feeling a sense of losing someone we get a feeling of becoming less whole by forgetting that we are whole. Life is great. Our light was meant to shine, not to fizzle out.