Old blood united under the moon.

I went to Howards on Monday waiting to meet a friend that I haven't seen in like 5 years. A good ol' chap. I was pretty anxious. I was waiting alone...nobody special was there...just the usual people and a bunch of kids. I haven't felt this in a long time. Waiting...anxious...kind of excited..contantly looking at the time. Anyway, my good buddy Alfred finally shows up and right off the bat starts making me laugh. I love that. I alomost forgot what it's like to really laugh and not fake it. He made the joke right off the bat about when he walked through the door and first saw me "What if I just walked through the door and said "Heeey...." and just started vomiting..."sorry man, I gotta go.""
We had a good night. We had a couple of beers and went to the park and had a couple of smokes together and bullshitted just like old times. It was a gas. Still haven't met his wife, Lizeth though (who is expecting). We're supposed to hang out again Friday. I haven't had a good old hang out with him in a while....it's well over-due. We used to hang out and just talk, and bullshit...made some fantasticly funny videos along the way. We'd never go to bed before sunrise...because that was against the rules. Possibly do it again this weekend? Maybe...and maybe the pope's nipples are pierced. You gotta watch out for that Ratsinger...he's a wild one.

-Beast

If a pyro-maniac goes to hell...would he really be in his own type of heaven?

*sigh* Life...once again. This is it, I'm living it. It's great, but I'd really like to share every moment I have with someone. What am I getting at? Nothing really...it's just desire.

Well, on Valentines day my great uncle died and my family was in a depressed mood. Uncle Gus. He was a great guy. I remember him since I was little, he was always the same. Full of light, funny, happy, just a great guy. He showed me how to wiggle my ears when I was just a pup. Anyway, I give a shout out to Uncle Gus tonight (take a drink)....wherever you may be, I just wanted to say that anywhere you went, you made people happy, because you yourself were a truely happy person. Which in mind...is the best you can do in life...If you're happy, and you make others around you happy. You win. You are a master at life.
Anyhow, on V-Day, I went out to Antiques Art and Beer...my dad was playing out there with a handful of mixed musicans. I had the most wonderful time. They sang alot of blues, Perfect. I drank about 17 beers and hit a state of euphoria that I haven't had in a long time. I couldn't stop smiling...even though I was alone and about 10 years younger than the youngest person there. What is it about music that makes your heart sway to "the right beat"?
Today, (saturday) the family cooked a nice meal of steak, scallops, and good ol' beans. I took a long nap and recoverd completely from my lack of sleep...I rose at about 6pm and went over to Howards for a beer. My good buddy Alfred was to come to town from Mexico with his expecting wife and I was a bit excited to see him again. I called his dad and he said that he was crashed out and would probably not wake until tomorrow. Bummer. So I just sat there by myself and drank about 3 beers when Miss Laura Gloor happend to walk in and asked if I wanted to go to a party with them. "Sure." So I was off. It was a good party, wine tasting, tons of FOOD, and good people (except for one). Laura showed me how to play Jin Rummy (sp?) . We played for a long time with her good friend Keven (not a black guy nor mexican...but a Flip...haha, a joke we had). I drank a few beers not even buzzed but then this guy.......started causing a scene and threating people. Long story short...some guy got mad at him and pushed him down...the guy head butted Kevin (for being black..hahaha) and everyone had to leave because they had to call the cops to get him to leave. What a shame. I was having a great time too...so here I am 1:30 am and I have nothing to do. Life here is stunted I believe. Depends totally on your nature though.
I've been trying to quit smoking....god, it's so hard. I was doing very good until after the whole break up thing. Now, I'm really hooked again. (they say a smoker is always a smoker when the chips are down-Sin City) Fuck it's a nasty habbit. It's truely one of the hardest mental battles I've had to deal with. Why do you want it? You know it's bad. Well, I've done some thought on this. Smoking is a social habbit for the most part. I don't think I'd smoke at all if weren't for social situations. For instance.
IT IS PERFECTLY ACCEPTABLE IN A SOCIAL SITUATION TO DROP EVERYTHING AND "GO OUT AND HAVE A SMOKE"
That's one thing I like about smoking. If you're with a crowd and the room or people start to get to you...... You can take a smoke break and it is fully acceptable. It gives you a good 5-10 minutes to center yourself, think, and ground yourself to get ready for round two of the social situation. I think that you'd have a hard time doing this if you didn't smoke. Here's an example.

Here's the vibe setting *crowd chattering..socially akward feelings...some asshole you can't stand*

( Instead of "hey man I'm going to outside and have smoke" "ok cool, I'll see you in a bit")
Without smoking it would be like...

"Well hey man I'm going to go outside for a bit."
"Why?"
"I just need some air"
"What's wrong is so and so pissing you off?"
"No I just want to get away for awhile"
"Well, do you want to leave?"
"No, I just want to go outside"
"Oooook, whatever"
And that would leave you looking like an akward weirdo.

I've thought about adopting some other excuse to get away, but they won't work.

"Well hey I'm going to go outside and drink my beer."
"Outside? Why?"
"Because you play with youself in bed at night."

It's much more easier to say "I'm going to go smoke". Nobody asks questions and everything is ok. I've boiled it all down and I've come to realize that for the most part I use it as an escape goat.

Sometimes in the morning I freak myself out with my MORNING MADNESS. When I wake up for work (about 5:30am) I find myself saying things to myself in a state of delierium and I honestly don't know where they come from. Maybe I'm still sleeping and dreaming and it just comes out...but it's odd. My buddy Nathan does the same thing. When I had an apartment with him it was a gas waking up and exchanging phrases....this seems extreamly crazy from other people who hear this...but it's just odd.
The other day I woke up and found myself saying "Dig up the shovel, use a spoon"
I've woke up saying several phrases such as "birds in the bush...got the bees" or "Snide Jones says so...believing is better" ....."get 'em hissin, makes 'em fast" Crazyness...no sense at all. Then I get in the shower and catch myself talking and I'm like "what the fuck?" And I wonder if anyone else in the house has heard me chanting my morning madness.

Anyhow, I that that's all I've got for now. Thailand is coming up fast and I'm about to cream jeans just thinking about it.

Peace the fuck out,
-Beast

And then you feel something down by you feet...

It's me, it's Casey, I'm suckin' on your toes!

Top Ten Sexiest Women According To Beast.

This is by far the lamest post I've ever posted...but I think it'd be appropriate enough for Valentines Day.
#10 Bangles Chick




Walk like an egyption? She made me walk like a caveman when I was a kid (from the raging hard on of coarse). A beautiful woman, and great stage presence.



#9 Winona Ryder


She looks kind of buff in this picture and weird....but I really loved the way she looked when she played Mina from the movie Bram Stokers Dracula (My all time favorate movie). She has a soft face dark eyes and hair and a somewhat frail looking jaw line. Sexy as hell right?


#8 Liz Hurley

Mizz Liz. I've always had a thing for her. She seems classy, smart and has a great pair of lips...eyes as well.


#7 Jewel

Jewel, what can I say about this one. Her "Pieces of you" album is a masterpiece. She's got a jacked up grill ...but in a good way. It adds character and makes her more real and not like the other air-brushed type stars. You know she got money to fix that grill...but she's cool with it...I admire that.



#6 Zooey Deschanel

I fell in love with this one from "Hitch Hikers Guide...." She seemed real with soft blue eyes and nice pale skin. She's one of those women that I think would look great even in the morning after shooting tequilla all night




#5 Kate Beckinsale

Guess I'm a sucker for vampire movies but in Underworld 2 she was absoulutely gorgeous. Pale skin, dark hair, bright eyes, and a tight body. Like....I mean, If you took a bite out of her butt it would probably make the same sound as biting into an apple (sssssscrunch!)

#4 Fiona Apple

My dear Fiona, even though she dates a scorcerer (David Blane)...she's just...awesome. Her music is art at it's finest. She has the look of a jaguar. One that shows beauty but at the same time says.... I just might tear your throat out and hang you in a tree for snacking.


#3 Tia Carrera

Played a part in Waynes World. "Ooooh dream weaver, I believe you can get me through the niiihight" Beautiful face and a nice asian body. I'm a sucka for asians. Man, Thailand is going to be a gas.

#2 Lucy Liu

Lucy, just look at her...good god. I don't think I could even speak to this one. I was several feet away from her at one time when I was in Europe and Chalie's Angles were coming to theaters. I wish I could have form tackled her and proclaimed my love to her...yeah, she would have understood then.

#1 Zhang Ziyi

Ok my number one girl here. What is it about her? I really don't know. But I am at a loss for words when I see her. Black eyes and hair...nice complection. Great set of lips and a look of innocence about her. Short, thin, beautiful face and a slieght sence of mystery about her. They don't come any better than this in my book. I don't think that I could even function in her presence. She's the kind of woman that would drive a man like me to do impossible crazy acts of love for her. Damn you with your control over me. Will you marry me Zhang Ziyi?

Just wanted to add.

Yeah, by the way...I was reading through some of my posts and wanted to clear this up. I don't think all women are dumb...Just about 80% of the ones around here. There lots of dumb men too...most likely, more than women. Anyway, I didn't want to cause any drama and get my head bit off or come off as a total asshole.

Pull a rabbit out of a .....ummm...middle of a road?

So tonight was fun. Nothing particularly exciting happend. But me and Mr. RB hung out....there is nothing to do in this cursed town but go to Kloesols. We drove there and had one beer and came back. That place is depressing. BUT...Mr. RB was with me. I will take good conversation over petty games and drama any day. Which is exactly why I had a good time. Good relationships (may they be friends or girlfriends)are all based on good communication. I love talking. Talking about everything...finding out differant perspectives and learning. It's the only way you can learn...through communication. I often get this line from my women..."you ask too many questions." Well that's because I want to know...it's as simple as that. I need someone who loves to learn about one another and other things and has fun doing it. That's the best part....it isn't about sex or lovey dovey (although those are good too) it's about having fun discovering one another. If you can meet someone and right off the bat say "eh, I read that one already." Take my advice, cast it aside and try something new. I do not have many friends...but the ones I have have infinate wisdom that I can constantly learn from. That's what keeps it going...stimulation of the mind. So me and RB talked alot about alot of things. When we went to Kloesols, and the enviornment was bad (as always)...wasn't stimulating at all...so we left. I love that.

So when it was all over, I was driving home and happen to accidently hit a jack rabbit on the way. "Aw fuck." So I backed up to check and see if I killed it. I found it in the ditch with his head up staring into my headlights. I got out of my car and walked up to him. He tried to scramble away but I have broken his hips and he couldn't move anything but his front paws. What a shame. What was I to do? I popped my truck and screwed together my 3 foot heavy metal rod thing. I walked up to the rabbit...told him I was sorry and whacked him one good time behind the neck. It was instantly dead...no twitching or anything. I picked him up, and put him in the back of my car. If there's one thing my dad ever tought me it's...."Don't kill it unless you plan to eat it." So I took the rabbit home, skinned it out and put it in the freezer. Perhaps tomorrow, the family will have a nice suprise of eating some fresh rabbit. Redneck? Sure. Call it what you will...but it's not a wasted kill. And it is the way I was raised. Such a beautiful animal. It's always more beautiful when it's wild.

Don't you agree? But still...what a shame.


Sometimes I look at people and wonder their fate. Some, you can look at and easily tell. This is also a shame. I just wanted to say that.

Thailand is coming up fast. But sadly...my money is dropping on account of my car. Flat tires, insurance, monthly payment. I really need to get rid of it soon if I plan on making the trip by May...which is my goal.

We saw a bar fight tonight...pretty funny in my eyes. THINGS TO DO IN THIS TOWN: Drink, Screw, Fight, Gossip, Work, and Hunt. Sad but true. Lack of stimulation brings lack of mind. Which is why the library in Shiner is only open 2 or 3 days a week. The closest decent bookstore is in Victoria...and there is a Waldens in the mall (the main nerve), and a Hastings. I enjoy going to hastings and seeing what types of books they have and also watching the people in the differant sections and drawing conclusions about them. The most interesting people and most intelligent I found are the ones that check out many books of many subjects...but have no social life....you can tell by their seclusive instinct when nearing them and usually on how they dress. How else can they in this place? Another way I've observed this is waiting in line and seeing people like this and their bad social skills toward the cashier. Not neccisaily bad....but, they're not "normal." For instance saying off the wall things to the cashier like "what do you think the universe is really like?" Which in my book...is very good. I think people are degrating too much to "trends." Everyone's asking themselves "what's cool?" When they should be asking "What do I think is cool?" When you ask yourself instead of everyone else, I think you live a much more fruitful life.

Lately I've been spending much of my time alone. It's great. Trips by myself to a movie...just a drive with good music....A walk will my lovely pit bull (don't let the breed fool you, he's a gentile giant) Noobus. I love to go to social places by myself and watch my surroundings...all the happenings...the interesting and not so interesting conversations...drama of couples...a parent yelling at his kids...women contemplating a buy on a vanity item...the salesmen's blank greetings (they say "hello, is is there anything I can help you with?" But you can tell by the light in their eyes that they are working off of a trained robotic phrase...the wheel is turning, but he hampster is dead)...young high school kids trying to be goth...young high school girls wearing "in style" furry boots and showing them off...high school kids just trying to be differant just to scream out "Pay attention to me dammit!" ..etc. Life. It's great. No matter how vain...how utterly pathetic. People try to hard to try to get attention...all trials done by the physical. It's interesting. All animals do it...but humans...what a weird breed. We have our instincts....little left but their there. The yawn, sex drive..ummm. yeah. can't really think of anymore. Here's a hidden one that most people don't notice. It is common in lizards to bob their head in differant ways to communicate. In humans there is an instict that most people don't notice..but it's there. When you see someone you know very well you nod up at them....when you see someone who you don't know..you nod down at them. I always found that interesting.....fucking A! I'm going on a rant. Anyhow...I probably need to get to bed. Until next time.

-The Beast

And yet...another drunkin' talk.

So yeah....here I am. About to move to Thailand. I'm very excited about it. Other than that...the world turns and things happen around me...strange things indeed.

What's this? A girl at a bar:

I saw her eyeing me all night. She's cute. I have a level head about me and ask. "So what's your name?"

She says "beep" (edited for her own safety.)

"Ah, that's a lovely name, tell me (beep), do you love science?" (I choose this specific pick up line to weed through any bimbos that might seem appealing)

She said "Yes! I love it!"

(Ah wow, can it be true, a nice looking girl that's somewhat intelligent?)

I said "Well, then (beep) can I call you sometime?" (And no I am not really skipping through anything...this is actually how fast if happend)

"Yes"

So she gave me her number and said.."Well I work all the time and I have a boyfriend but you can call at "so and so" time.

And that became, STRIKE ONE.

So I don't call her...instead she calls me...I ended up giving her my digits as well.

What did we talk about? Well....to my disappointment...not science. Instead, a drawn out conversation of her love of shopping and pen striped pants for about an hour....oh yes, and let's not forget her deep love for "mudding". If you're not familiar with the term, mudding is....cutting donuts in a mud pit in a something like...or something that resembles that of a pick up truck. In the conversation she somehow invited me over "sometime when her boyfriend was not at home."

STRIKE TWO.

(Also keep in mind that she was not a keeper from STRIKE ONE.)

So yeah, she invited me over without knowing anything about me...didn't even bother to ask.

STRIKE THREE.

God, the more dumb women I meet, the more I want to just gather them all up...and gas them...or better yet...hook them up with other dumb rednecks such as themselves and ship them all off on an island full of mud and pick up trucks. They'll be so happy!

Moral of this story? Well, there is none really. But this week has been the happiest I ever been in a long time. I really don't know why. Maybe because I have nothing to worry about (women). Maybe because a path has been layed in front of me that I am truly looking forward to walking. Maybe because I am doing things for myself this time ...things that make me happy. Maybe all of the above? Yes, that's probably it.

I've been single for about a month...and I really don't have any intentions of meeting anyone or even "hooking up" with anyone. Sex? Eh, fuck sex. The urge is easily suppressed. I'm happy, what more can I ask for? I love this.

-Casey

Wolf at the scene.

Cattle
Hundreds of them
I watch
behind the terrace
behind the weeds
disgusted
my instincts tells me to slay them all
what's the use
there are hundreds of them
they'll keep multiplying
I turn around
return to my den
escape the cold
and hope that another like me
will wonder in
by chance
and lay at my side