I wanna, dream lover..so I don't have to dream alone.

It's been awhile everyone who still reads this. I've spent alot of time alone in order to sort a lot of things out that have been swimming around in the old noodle. I've come to many conclusions...let's see if I can remember them now.
My life is best explained by a childrens toy....you know that toy with the differant block shapes that you have to fit into the proper hole? Yes, well...I'm a square piece that is constantly trying to be forced into the circle hole. The stress of it...geeze. I know what hole I'm supposed to go in, but this world tells me otherwise. Make sense? Hmm.
It takes me a long time to become comfortable with people. I am very good at playing the role of the chameleon. It's my survival tool. I have a very hard time relating with everything and it breaks me up. I wish everyone could see through all of the bullshit (this "bullshit" probably isn't "bullshit" at all to the people who participate in it) and just relax and be themselves (but perhaps everyone IS being theirself. And could it be that my mindset, in this state of time...is a disfuction?).
I am not happy unless everyone around me is.
I love to make people laugh...it is my salvation. At that very moment when I make someone laugh...I have made a connection, a very important one. It's something that makes me feel human and gives me a sense of belonging.
Music will always be my savior. Music is in my blood and has been in my family for generations...there is no doubt in my mind that this tool alone can help me through the toughest of times.
I've been a bit selfish lately...keeping to myself alot and thinking. Dogging out friends just because I want to stay at home and think. Don't take it personally if I have done this to any of you.
I desperately need to banish those in my life who hinder my emtional state of being/inner drive to move forward.
The modern courting rituals of this time is disturbing to me and makes me quite nervous.
Life is like a river...what is here today will be gone tomorrow. I must learn to change with what the river washes away today and brings for tomorrow. There is no stopping of the natural flow.
No matter how strong you are and what kind of head you have on your shoulders, where you reside and who your friends are will transform you to who you are. (P.S. Don't move to a flock of sheep if you know you're a wolf...people will start to notice.)
I have given up on THE SEARCH. I've read that that is what one must do when in search for something. Relax, enjoy the scenery...keeps smiling and project your inner light into everything and the great circle of life will come back around and treat you the same.
Being alone is very important. There are times in life to where you have to completely pull yourself out of whatever loop your in...sit back and look at it and ask "Is this what I'm all about? Is this what really makes me happy?" And if the answer is no...study it some more and ask again....and THEN decide. Do I need to change everything completly? What do i need to do in order to make sense of everything and feel content?
I am in a point of my life to where I feel like I will never get out of this fucking rut. But I know that I will. I must. I have to get out of here and back to my friends. I have to get back out there...make people laugh, make music, make love...create a euphoric aura that spreads far beyond myself and intoxicate everyone that touches it. I believe that that is all I have to say right now.